Between journaling here, on a different app and my handy dandy paper and pen(read: set of erasable pens ☺️🤭). Almost done with a notebook I started in 2021. That’s exciting. I think I’m in a heavy transition space. Lethargic. Rigid. I feel frozen. Getting by. It’s crazy cuz this is not the first time I’ve been here. I recognize this pattern in myself. Frustrated. Pushing through and checking the box on my meditations. Even if I’m falling asleep to them. I’m giving myself grace and trusting that my subconscious is doing what it needs. Every day I am more convinced that my neurodivergent brain is the cause for my lack of effective executive function most days. I don’t wanna medicate thru big pharma. I can’t will myself to “do stuff” and routines and patterns fade away. I’m not driven by the thoughts of the future. It’s so obscure. I feel I’ve become complacent?. Or my diagnosed depression is at an all time high and the brain is frayed. How to reboot. Cuz I can’t recognize the difference right now. Doing the mechanisms… not the coping. And on the outside— it’s all moving along! Yea, getting back in my Zone and preparing for a busy season at work & getting strong af again + taking my business/health seriously + looking forward oodles of holiday school activities for the child. Especially… all. The. Socializing. Is it 2025 yet🫠 alright. All right. Always. All ways. Thank you God for another day.

D70Flow Talk about even numbers being monumental and now let's talk about being bamboozled. Thought when we were getting into the business of forgiving today, we were forgiving her (for that) or them or they or the )wo(man ...come to find out, punchline, we're forgiving ourselves 🤡 D70Unpack Some things follow you, whereas others just linger. Remain the same Fester ...pick a lane Cross the threshold like a naughty vampire uninvited and completely intrusive leave(s) me feeling embarrassed, ashamed, apologetic and sorry for you, for me, for them, and for all those we will hopefully spare from this in the future. SORRY PLEASE tell me what i can do to help you heal Meanwhile, (...moving on [w/ my life]) Far from forgiven (dear self) but at least closer to peace I SEE YOU I see you there Pounding Yelling I see you un-ignore-able I see you Severe and extreme even in your subtleties And for your penance, you get another day 🔃🔄🔃

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DCH-sd9tKtv/?igsh=MTIwcjMxOTNoYnp4Zg==

Was in my local alternative goods shop (crystals, aromatherapy, sage, books, etc) just browsing. Bee clerk told me if I could name one thing I was thankful for my purchase would be 20% off. I said that was easy. I am grateful for my breath because it centers me and keeps me alive on so many levels. Her response was not only did I get 20% off, but I gave her something to think about. Two bottles of amazing smelling body sprays and a new worry stone came home with me.

Well tonight’s meditation is brought to you with 80lbs of snuggles on one leg. Hes not ever snuggley just wants to always be on my lap when I meditate lol. PS i was going to do a yoga nidra for sleep hence the bed (I usually meditate on a cushion on the floor) but took the time to just enjoy being present with him (minus the few photos).