Quick share here, and one I’m still absorbing but wanted to post while it’s fresh in my mind… A big reason my LTR and I split was a constant battle for power and frame that became exhausting at times. During some coaching calls, Paul tried to help me make the connection that my ex was fighting for perceived power as part of trying to feel safe, however if she could just surrender to the relationship and fall in my frame, she would actually GAIN power in the relationship. Last night I met up with my first European girl I’ve ever gone out with for drinks. She’s followed me on IG for awhile now but every time we tried to connect previously the timing was off. I’d like to share a few things she did that was different than the usual first date : 1. A few days before the date, she asked if I had any specific outfit requests. I decided to have fun with it, told her to send me pictures of the outfits she feels sexiest in and I’d pick my favorite. I chose this little red dress, and man it didn’t disappoint. It was a little gesture of wanting to look good for me, but as much as it put me in a dominant role picking her outfit, it also gave her power of her own. 2. I’ve gotten little gifts like cookies or baked goods from girls after a few dates, but never on the first date. We were meeting at a bar for drinks and after we sat down she said she had a surprise for me. She reaches into her jacket and pulls out a box of whiskey flavored chocolates. For those who know me, I hate chocolate, I’m usually too fitness focused to enjoy it, but coming from her and the way she gave it to me, not gonna lie it was a little special. Another example of how it could be perceived she is being “weak” by getting me a little gift, but in turn she leaned into her femininity which benefited both of us. 3. Her energy was very warm and flirty the whole night, which was a huge turn on. Little things like sticking her tongue out at me after making a joke, putting her hand on my leg, leaning in and putting her head on my shoulder while at the bar. It was such a warm way to act on a first date, and a complete shift from the typical behavior from girls in 2024. I want to make sure I’m driving the point home : by intentionally putting herself in my frame, SHE WAS GAINING POWER.
@Thomas K the issue I see with this power dynamic isn’t always just the initial first few dates, but especially in a relationship. If a girl has lower self esteem and lacks accountability, whenever feelings of not being good enough are triggered there’s the risk that instead of owning the mistake/shortcoming and ADMITTING she isn’t good enough in that moment, a woman will ego protect and try to take power by becoming combative and falling out of frame. I believe women have prior trauma and a more masculine frame that pushes them into this type of behavior. I’m sure there are plenty of Polish girls who are rough to be around, but it was such a stark difference between what I’ve been trying to work through with my ex, the lessons Paul’s been trying to get me to see and maybe the best example of how a woman giving her power away actually gives her more control.
@Thomas K totally relate to this. I went out with my ex on Friday for drinks and it was incredible. Our connection is insane, but I’m starting to see the connection was never the issue, it’s the compatibility. Paul helped me identify this, which can become very similar to an abuse cycle, of this hot and cold behavior. When our LTRs are in frame and act right it causes us to melt and get emotionally invested. Then a normal relationship hurdle comes, they default to self protection and cold behavior, which creates more distance in the relationship. See how toxic the cycle can become?
I was finally able to overcome my fear and I made a cold approach, just minutes ago. I'm so excited that I was able to do it and I wanted to tell some people who actually cared. Big deal, your thinking...I haven't made an approach in at least 5 years and have been really struggling with paralyzing dread, not fear or nervousness, actual dread. As if you just told me I'm being deployed to fight Russians on the Kursk battlefront. So, hurray for me!, it's vag as far as the eye can see from here on out. Be good.
@Brady Becker if you approach with the intent to have fun and have a laugh, you’ll be much easier to talk to. If I open an old lady, or a guy with a lambo, I don’t want their number, I’m just opening them to chat. Same thing with a woman. If you open with the intent to get a number you’ll likely come off as needy/creepy and overpursue, this is where you ARENT outcome independent. FYI : I always ask for the number, but I don’t open them to get their number…does that make sense?
@Austin Wright in my experience, we all set so many limiting beliefs around cold approach. Women aren’t boogeymen, they’re actually very receptive. I have a field report on a pick up I did on Friday I’ll be posting soon
Was a little short on time yesterday but I take time in the morning to listen to some Theta waves and catch the sun coming up. Just tried to visualize what I wanted to accomplish for the day and some peak state. The peak state vision has been almost like a panoramic photo. Im in the center, in my best physicial condition, happy and positive. Im surrounded by my LTR and my daughter along with her 2 kids. Behind me is a large contemporary style house, 4 car garage. Then Imagining myself being financially free to where I can travel to several tropical locales every year, a thriving business (not sure what type/industry although I've been gravitating towards home services of several types). Just continuing to try and eliminate the noise and get dialed in to see what comes into focus. Did an afternoon meditation using "Om" chanting just trying to let go of all thoughts. Hasnt been perfect and probably catch myself drifting into thoughts more often than not but consistency hopefully pays off here.
I need to do a better job with the visualization. I was thinking after the neural conditioning, how we can train our brain into correcting “malfunctions”, that visualizing our life in its peak state can be just as powerful. For me I haven’t necessarily been visualizing a different life, but trying to keep front and center the type of woman I want in my life, what characteristics she has, the types of things we’d enjoy together etc.
I came across a video from “Playing With Fire” that slid into my algorithm this morning and the title as catchy enough for me to take the bait : Asking Girls When They Last Got Laid. I’ve watched Alex’s material in the past, and it’s generally pretty neutral and not as sperg as most other dating channels. This is basically a man on the street type video, walking up to random chicks in downtown Miami and asking them the last time they had sex. Now I realize people won’t always respond/report accurately, so we need to take the videos with a grain of salt, but I still couldn’t help but find the video very eye opening. I’d ask all of you guys to give it a watch, it’s only 7mins and brings up some excellent talking points that most RP videos brainwash us into thinking is impossible. Here were my take aways : 1. Not every girl walking the streets is throwing her pussy at multiple guys. Take a listen and see how many girls aren’t very sexually active, and a few even complaining half heartedly about not getting laid enough. 2. When Alex asks where they met their last lay, pay attention to the sources. Very little social media, only 1-2 from dating apps, the majority was SOCIAL CIRCLE. Paul reminds us of this all the time : real life is undefeated in seduction. Notice there weren’t many girls (if any) who said a Chad picked them up at the grocery store and smashed? Most of these girls were getting fucked by guys organically. 3. I was really surprised how many girls had fucked guys in their orbit for YEARS. Maybe I shouldn’t be shocked at this point, but I think the 2 big take aways are playing it cool and being ok with “friends” if you don’t smash, but the elephant in the room : DONT LET YOUR GIRL HAVE GUY FRIENDS AND ORBITERS. It would be great it all these guys were confident men who respected boundaries, but I’d bet most of them were weasels. I’d also be curious how many of these old “friends” were getting action AFTER the girl broke up with a higher value guy…
This will be the start of a running log of daily meditation and visualization. Here I'll update about actions, progress, mental blocks, and results. This is an area of very high focus for me right now in order to clear a massive amount of mental "noise" I have with regard to the direction my life is headed. Paul has modules on these items, and for anybody struggling with issues, this could help provide some clarity. As I mentioned I am going to copy journal entries directly from my notepad. I think hand writing them first is a great way to de-clutter your thoughts and almost practice a bit of mindful meditation by writing since we all just type to text now. To me, I retain things better when hand writing them. Day 1 - As of now the clarity for some things in the future non-existent. My plan is to use all these tools day by day to help remove the noise, little by little. This is going to take a lot of practice for me personally because of the amount of thoughts I can have at any one time. I'll implement audio aids such as alpha waves and "om" chanting videos. Along with these I'll be doing several walks a day after meals and in between when I can as well as meditating in place with the visualization exercise.
@Adam Powell would you mind making these individual posts? I know it would help me keep better track, but might give other members a better opportunity to absorb/reflect on your discoveries. What do you typically focus on when visualizing your peak state? As for clearing your mind during meditation, I struggle with it too. I usually need music in order to not think about anything. Sometimes I try to just visualize myself sitting, laying, kneeling etc in a position but there again : I’m not no-minded in just exchanging thoughts
@Adam Powell finding your routine is going to be a big power move for you. It sounds like you’re more of a morning person like me. My routine is a bit different, but I give myself 30mins every morning to do whatever I want : social media, this group, laying with my dog, doom scrolling YouTube shorts lol. It’s my uninterrupted time before I attack my goals for the day. My point is that building new habits can be challenging, but maintaining them isn’t as much of a shock to the system. What is the most difficult part of taking 10mins each morning to start your day?