This will be the start of a running log of daily meditation and visualization. Here I'll update about actions, progress, mental blocks, and results. This is an area of very high focus for me right now in order to clear a massive amount of mental "noise" I have with regard to the direction my life is headed. Paul has modules on these items, and for anybody struggling with issues, this could help provide some clarity. As I mentioned I am going to copy journal entries directly from my notepad. I think hand writing them first is a great way to de-clutter your thoughts and almost practice a bit of mindful meditation by writing since we all just type to text now. To me, I retain things better when hand writing them. Day 1 - As of now the clarity for some things in the future non-existent. My plan is to use all these tools day by day to help remove the noise, little by little. This is going to take a lot of practice for me personally because of the amount of thoughts I can have at any one time. I'll implement audio aids such as alpha waves and "om" chanting videos. Along with these I'll be doing several walks a day after meals and in between when I can as well as meditating in place with the visualization exercise.

Howdy all, Wanted to share with the group in case anybody else may have to go through mediation with an ex spouse, at least where children are involved. I requested mediation - again - to try to resolve parenting time and legal decision making. Turns out both my kids are on PIP at school and one is one ADHD medication that I know she hates. Ex admitted both are having emotional problems. Well, the mediator (female) basically asked my ex if I could have "permission" to see my kids unsupervised and have some say so in their life regarding medications and medical. So you can imagine how that went. Now I will have to petition the court (lower case intended) to get some kind of custody, which they should give me. I haven't seen my kids in any natural way (without a supervisor or my ex hovering over them recording it) in 5 years. I've prepared myself that I really may not see them again before they're 18. By then they'll be so fucked up they probably won't want to see me. They're 10 and 12 and both already flirting with boys. Wear protection gentlemen. Even if you're careful you could unknowingly be sucked into this nightmare, that actually hurts kids worse than anybody else. The court found that spanking your children and calling your ex wife names via text and breaking dishes (behavior by both parties) over a 10 year marriage is significant domestic violence. If she keeps the evidence, and you delete yours then you may not see your children again. Just hearing my ex's whiny "I'm the boss" voice took me back to years worth of horrible relationship. It will never be good enough. You do not have parental rights in any meaningful way, and children do not have any rights. As a matter of fact based on what the mediator said I wonder if its getting worse for fathers (schools in Arizona may be able to prevent fathers from getting grade/school performance info). Probably since the marriage rate is down they really have to exploit those men who decide to get legally married. Divorce is big business for attorneys and governments.

This happend recently but I want to discuss it for the future. I don't wish to bury the lead, I couldn't stop the emotional investment on this one, girls a great prospect. A recent first date went well, but then in retrospect I realized I was a bit pushy to get her back to mine, then she kinda just ghosted after the date. After the date, I was still happy with the result despite this so I sent her a text some hours later that she was fun to hangout and would like to see her again, then the ghost. Now, this is the first time I've been ghosted, my plan would currently be to ask her if everythings alright maybe after the weekend or something. My main question of this discussion is, do you calibrate your takeaway with how you messed up, maybe I say that "I might've given the wrong impression, of course I want to have fun but I might've been a bit disrespectful" (I will say it in a nonqualifying way, but maybe it just is qualifying by me even reaching out). The other side of me could just next her and see my other girls, then again I don't want to leave good prospects on the table and maybe I can save this. TLDR; If you mess up a little on a date, do you try-, and how do you try to keep seeing her after she ghosts.

Well, I got laid. Technically this is the first vag penetration I've experienced in about 2.5 years that I can remember. I got bj's from the Turkish prostitute and the SA girl earlier this year but those don't really count. This girl was no prize but she was nice. I met her on FB dating, and she wasn't super hot in her pics but at least she was reasonably honest about it. She's about a 5 on a good day, but overall I'm happy about it. I've kind of been hungry for a little human physical tough tbh, so I did what I could to tee this one up and it worked. We went out for a coffee date two days ago in a nice golf course community coffee shop. I remember what Paul said about 3 location changes, so we sat inside and chatted and then outside next to a nice fountain. I was just myself, joking around mostly but not pushing too hard. She was reciprocating. Again she's not super hot but I still kind of liked her nerdy vibe. She was sending attraction signals, touching me occasionally etc. She had to go to a Halloween thing but said she wanted to see me again. She's off for fall break so we set up a sushi date for today. I went in for a kiss and she reciprocated and gave me a big hug. We met at the sushi place today at 1pm, shared a pre date kiss, and had lunch for an hour. I have a comedy song I wrote that's PG - R (and X) and I added some R rate lyrics with her name in it and she laughed. I told her I'd like to keep hanging out after lunch and she agreed to walk over and see a movie together. We made out a bit in the elevator. Once inside we sat down and were the only ones in the whole theater so we made out a little more. (side note - I think a movie is still a good place to go on a date esp since nobody else was in there). She put her hand on my knee and I played with her underwear area aka pussy. At this point I couldn't really move too much so I told her I want to fuck her. She said not in here and then I was worried the high school kid was going to call security. This is also next to a comedy club I perform at so I didn't need to get arrested. So we went back to her place which was closer.

This came in as a question in another thread that asked about "pair bonding," and why we feel bonded in our LTR's. There is a lot of fantasy in the main stream world about this. So I am going to to dispel some myths. Our brains ARE NOT naturally wired to reward "pair bonding" for the long term. We are designed to reward pair bonding for a few years, where as we lose desire and eventually mate switch. That is our nature, both men and women, and we execute it in different ways. Keep reading though because I will give you the solution to working around this in order to have exceptionally bonded and happy relationships for decades to come, even though it isn't something we naturally do. Here is the important thing to realize. Our bonding system is designed for us to take care of a girl with our resources and protection within the context of a greater structure (tribe or city state after agriculture) while she is pregnant and while the kid is young. Survival of off spring depended on it BUT only until about age 5. After that the kid can walk and talk and participate in the tribal or city state structure, making the kid survivable within the social structure if parents were to die or mate switch and abandon. So our innate drives are conflicting. We want to fuck multiple women and get them pregnant, and we bond with the ones we FEEL most chemistry with because that chemistry indicates strong genetic offspring potential. And then left to our own devices, we tend to mate switch for different reasons, men and women. If resources of the tribe or your resources in a city state structure were enough to have multiple children with multiple women and feel bonded by desire to those women at least for the first few years, you would. And some of those women would mate switch eventually and have kids with different men and either leave you or cuck you so you end up taking care of another man's kids. There are conflicting theories on this, but this one seems to suss out better than the others when we look at our history, our brain wiring, along with our behavior today. It makes sense from an evolutionary perspective because multiple kids with multiple women (and her with multiple men) meant a higher diversity in genes and a higher number of children surviving, as disease and disability were the main causes of infant death.