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Apex Inner Game

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3 contributions to Apex Inner Game
Ghosted after a first date (TLDR)
This happend recently but I want to discuss it for the future. I don't wish to bury the lead, I couldn't stop the emotional investment on this one, girls a great prospect. A recent first date went well, but then in retrospect I realized I was a bit pushy to get her back to mine, then she kinda just ghosted after the date. After the date, I was still happy with the result despite this so I sent her a text some hours later that she was fun to hangout and would like to see her again, then the ghost. Now, this is the first time I've been ghosted, my plan would currently be to ask her if everythings alright maybe after the weekend or something. My main question of this discussion is, do you calibrate your takeaway with how you messed up, maybe I say that "I might've given the wrong impression, of course I want to have fun but I might've been a bit disrespectful" (I will say it in a nonqualifying way, but maybe it just is qualifying by me even reaching out). The other side of me could just next her and see my other girls, then again I don't want to leave good prospects on the table and maybe I can save this. TLDR; If you mess up a little on a date, do you try-, and how do you try to keep seeing her after she ghosts.
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New comment 3d ago
0 likes • 3d
@Paul Benjamin I appreciate this answer a lot. Its definitely a combination of lack of inner game and game. I actually did have an exchange with her after this post was made. The messages were long except for those marked* but I'll try to keep it short and informative. She always replied at 24 or a little more hours after my message. Me: 2 hours after date. *"I had a good time and like to see you again soon." Her: "I had to think about this, you're really great but I think you're looking for another type of relationship or girl" Me: *Lets talk over the phone, I misrepresented myself a bit. Her: Okay I guess we could talk on the phone (and she said some sudden remarks, nothing rough or mean, I think I blew this out of proportion. (Now, because of my cringe handling of the situation, she now made some slight remarks that made me think she was unsure of the situation, and I felt disrespected, perhaps wrongfully so. But her response was due to my inability for sure. Which caused me to reply-) Me: *"You seem unsure, lets not waste time on something you're not sure of. Take care" I really only did this to save whatever face I had left after previous cringe exchange. She then hit me with something that hooked me back in. Her: "I understand, its just that I felt mocked like 2/3s into our date" This made me realize my innergame issue and me not getting what I wanted on the first encounter made me think I was lower value and a douchebag. Me: "Hahah now I can't make sense of you, give me a call" (This was the day we had originally planned having the call) Her: "Hahha I think if we get confused on such small things then we can't build a relationship to begin with, you should find someone that suits you better." Me: "Alright take care" unfriended but still matched And thats that. I realize afterwards I could have saved this, she accepted to a phonecall but I got butthurt because of the sudden remarks she suddenly was comfortable with after my first cringemessage lol.
Letting her know you're seeing other girls
At what point in dating do you share that you're seeing other women? I usually tell girls first because I figured they would want to know before doing anything with me, and it has worked fine. But with the last 2 girls I've seen, we've moved so fast that it came out only after a first sexual encounter so to say. Their discomfort was totally felt and I felt bad afterwards and will tell them from now on before in a smooth statement of fact way. I'm also curious, Paul, how I could handle potential great girls that aren't interested in seeing a guy that sees more women. Maybe its an unneccessary question since it would mean I have to fold my boundaries or standards-, which are that I don't give my commitment to anyone before sex unless she would be a virgin. (Of course with other boxes checked). Seeing one girl now that so far seems to be pretty unexperienced or selective, I imagine that those types of girls would be less accepting of being a plate. It's kind of a dubbleedged sword, on one hand, I want one such girl, but on the other hand-, I think they would be less accepting. (But hey, 70-30-10 rule I guess.) Again, maybe its redundant cause I shouldn't let go of my standards. But it's good to challenge ones ideas I suppose. PS I figured I would share how I go about it right now. The topic of dating comes up, joking about bad dates and whatnot, and I will casually mention it in a smooth way that I rushed into my last and only relationship I've been in. Maybe mention that many things can't be taken for granted today in relationships that could be in the past. I tell her that I want to be sure of the girl I'm giving up my exclusivity to. I also do my best to convey that it's nothing personal, and I appreciate the time I'm spending with her. All of what I say to them is 100% truthful and what I believe. I believe it's important to understand the girls perspective, the main concerns she has this early on into dating I would think is STDS and that I'm a waste of time. (On this point I want to elaborate, I realize I want to lead with alpha qualities and having fun, but I think I might be giving off too much fuckboy vibes if that is possible-, seeing as the type of girl I'm looking for is rather innocent. Of course the relationship is her problem but still.)
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New comment 12d ago
0 likes • 12d
@Dean Vilia @Austin Wright Thanks for the replies and input. What do you think about the point I raised concerning bringing it up after sex has already happend. I felt kinda shitty and unintentionally deceptive. I haven't thought about it until this happend twice now.
Confirmed date, but not until next week
Picture this, you get the confirmed close off of dating app but its not gonna happen for another 5+ days, how do you keep it warm and not have her forget about you? Does it serve as a filter if she flakes even though I confirm the day before like Paul suggests-, or am I leaving good times on the table?
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New comment Sep 10
1 like • Sep 10
@Andres C Of course yeah, I ALWAYS go on to instagram and talk more there after the opener. Though I've noticed lately some girls are just strangely hellbent on not having phonecalls. Probably a sign of a timewaster most of the time, but might also be a very shy girl. Then again, if she's too shy to call you, how is she going to meet you? Add comfort
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Jonas Hjalmarsson
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@jonas-donas-6517
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Active 13h ago
Joined May 30, 2024
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