So I'm on day 18, just about to do our meditation (my partner always does them with me, he LOVES meditating and this is just a sprink of extra for him!). I woke up with the usual sink hole feeling in my chest, took 2 deep breaths and BOOM, gone! Rob (partner type) told me I would feel the benefits, he told me ageeeeees ago I should make it a go to in the day to help with the mad monkeys in my head. Did I listen? Noooooooooo. Did I have alllllllll the excuses? Oh hell yes! Here are some of my top hits on the excuses I gave: Too busy Got things to do Cant sit still Head too busy I'm getting frustrated I don't get the breath bit (oh how this YB stuff made me laugh at myself on that one) The thoughts don't go away like they do for you Rob . . Don't get me wrong I did psuedo try but normally just ended up drinking a coffee and watching the steam with 1 zillion thoughts racing round my brain. NB have since given up coffee it really does not help with that sinking feeling, IGNORE THE INTERNET IT LIES. Coffee gave me a 2 hr bliss high then slumped me on the roadside like an unwanted hostage leaving me feeling like the sky was falling in. Also found out that I wasn't drinking enough water which ALSO can give you the ol' sadness side effect . . interesting find yesterday. Anyway, day 18 the feelings are getting less. The realisation my body is addicted to cortisol is a big one and now, incrementally I am becoming what I wanted to be ie internally calmer, able to realise when the monkeys in my head have started bouncing around with their neg talk. and instead of looking for MORE things to stress about turning it around to look at things to appreciate, which has been an immense help. SO to end my litany . . meditation for the win. England is now that little bit (I'm 5ft 1") happier, that little bit calmer, that little bit more aware of changing the negative chatter to appreciation. Thank you of course to Yogi B. and also to you all my tribe, my wonderful honest tribe.

Got a little bit of a late start today. Woke up to no power. Threw my whole routine off. Oh well. Got my meditation in now that the power is back on. I think this meditation things is working cause I wasn't all hyped up about the power being out. I didn't get all anxious and freaked out. Cool calm and collected.

Somehow, my driver’s license went MIA. I decided that 10:43 on a Friday morning would be a brilliant time to get this done. As I sit here among at least 90-100 people, I would be incredibly anxious 😬. Especially given that they have moved into a new building a few spots down and now have a new process to go about their business. I sit here today 20 / 90 days into this challenge, and I have a 💩ton of calm. 💪

I knew the moments I would choose. There wasn't just one. I didn't pick a color either. My release felt like raindrops coming off the tips of my fingers before @Bryan Holub even talked about rain. I tend to associate releases of people and things with rain and storms. The moon and such. Not giving a f*ck has been one of the hugest gifts to me this year. Losing the weight of worry about others' reactions has been a relief. Working to overcome the heartbreak of letting relationships and friendships go has been healing and helpful over time. I was doing most of the work to keep them together. Staying in toxic spaces and places for too long finally ended. Tippin’ my cuppa to giving a f*ck about our continued journeys and our not giving into being toxic as f*ck! 🧘🏻‍♀️📿🤍🌞🌝✨💜🍂☕

I am so grateful to be at a point in my life where I can just rise up, pee and meditate. It starts my day off calm strong and fuckless, as it should be. If for any reason I gain fucks through my day’s journey I feel I’m learning the awareness and ability to detect and release them. This is how everyone should start their day. What a wonderful world it would be. Happy fucking hump day everybody