A letter to men who are struggling in silence.

Matthew Paetz

Dec '24 in General discussion

Ending Self-Sabotage is about becoming a man who is respected, admired, and desired.

Becoming the kind of man who gets respect starts with becoming the kind of man YOU respect.

Because only you know the whole truth.

Are you hiding things that you don’t want people to know?

Because if they found out, you’d lose the respect you think you have.

Things like addictions, how you treat people when you’re angry, and the truth about your finances.

So you end up in shame cycles as you try to manage the stress of hiding the truth.

Causing you to do more of the things that you hate about yourself.

And the closer people get to the truth, the more defensive they become, using things like anger, lies, and isolation to keep from being exposed.

Then, secretly doubling down on the addictions and self-loathing to cope with the shame only to cause more unnecessary damage to your relationships - the people you actually love.

Either way, you’re walking around with this cloud over your head, living a life of appearance while feeling void of direction, purpose, love - and respect.

What if there’s another way? Some hope.

As a man who was addicted to drugs and would lie to keep people from the truth and would steal in moments that I didn’t have enough to get my fix.

Then get angry, really angry, and disrespectful to those who were just trying to love me.

A man who lived a double life as an escort.

Trading my dignity for financial gain.

Then was exposed to the world, yes, to the whole world, by a third party.

Completely blowing up the lies I had been living.

The ones I had been telling others to keep them from finding out my truth.

But the most devastating lies that were exposed were the ones I was telling myself.

See, I know what it’s like to be completely broke while looking successful.

Being the life of the party and everyone’s favorite friend while treating my partner like shit behind closed doors.

I used my real traumas to gain empathy when I acted out instead of taking responsibility for my actions.

To being 5 years sober.

To getting married to my best friend and love of my life (s/o Allison ❤️)

To building a coaching business that’s driven by purpose and real growth.

Most importantly, to becoming a man who still has a lot of work to do but who is now a man I respect.

And all of this began when I got the support I needed from people I respected because they understood my deeper struggles.

They, too, had been where I was and knew what it took to build a new life.

If you can relate to any of this or know someone who can. I want to invite you to share this with them.

Because if there’s anything I know to be true, those of us who need help won’t get it until we know someone who truly understands us and will see us for our truth - the love, the hurt, the deep desire to change because we do care and we really do want to be better for you, for our families and for ourselves.

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