Could My Mother’s Final Words Be Exactly What You Need?
Gentlemen, I woke up today with something on my heart. Heavy... on my heart. Like you, I've been struggling to check off all of the boxes – holidays, travel, gifts, expectations – the ones that have been put on you and, the heaviest of them all, the ones you've put on yourself. If I had to grade my performance recently, I'd give it a C-. But this got me thinking about something my mother shared with me in her final days. My mother, Donna, lost her battle with cancer two years ago, and in the days leading up to her passing, she shared some amazing stories of her life. So many I had never heard before – her biggest mistakes, her biggest wins, and her biggest regrets. So much I didn't know because I knew her as Mom. But Donna was a vibrant, funny, gifted artist and fiercely loyal. To a fault, according to her. Her messages were honest and without fluff in those days, and the main theme was this: Your potential is dictated by your courage, not your abilities. In my mother’s final weeks, she began to share with me her biggest regrets. She had many things she was very proud of and believed in her soul that she lived an honorable life. But when she was facing what she knew was the end, she began to share the things that she regretted NOT doing in her life. Each one had to do with expressing her fullest self. She was an artist who stopped painting and a singer who stopped singing. She loved love but settled for a romantic-less marriage because at least he wasn’t abusive. In her final note to me, she asked that I live my life to the fullest and not allow the fear of other people’s opinions to keep me from the greatest gift I have been given – life. I struggle with this daily, much like you. It’s hard to live with the clarity of your final days, but we both know this advice is true. Perhaps the deepest truth there is. The truth we all claim to be searching for, but searching isn’t really what we’re doing. We’re running. Running away from what we know, from our gut feelings, and from our truth because we’re afraid to live a life of full expression. We fear other people will reject us.