GoInG oF ThE raiLs? · Release Your F*cks Society

GoInG oF ThE raiLs?

In the past two days, I’ve been very irritable and on edge, especially at home with my kids and my amazing wife.

What’s strange is that I don’t feel angry throughout the day, but it shows in my reactions. It’s as if I’m not connected to myself, thinking everything is fine, but my responses come from a place of anger and frustration.

I know myself, and of course, I’m an extreme person in my ways, but if there’s one thing I want to shake off, it’s these reactions of anger or even the ones where I "preach" to my partner.

I want and aspire to be a person who can stay quiet when needed, but I honestly don’t think I’m there yet.

I’m worried about the future if I continue this way. I’m afraid of what it will do to my marriage, which is already in a challenging place with two small kids and the constant stress of work and the chaos in Israel, where every day feels like a week compared to other places with all the craziness happening here.

How can I consistently bring myself to a state of awareness where I’m less impulsive?

I somewhat "blame" it on the fact that I stopped smoking weed almost two weeks ago, and I’m probably holding in more internal anger that weed used to suppress.

I want to be the best father and partner I can be, and that can’t happen when I’m constantly walking around angry and on edge. I know I feel calmer after practicing mindfulness, but it doesn’t last very long.

Any advice?

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