How To Stop Being Defensive · Brojo: The Integrity Army

How To Stop Being Defensive

It's really important that you learn how to drop that urge, that tendency, to defend yourself. This is particularly true of verbal attacks. It's different if it's a physical attack, and you're actually in danger.

However, most of the time you're not in actual danger and yet, you'll feel this urge come up: when somebody accuses you of something; when they misinterpret you; or, when they make claims about you that are false.

You'll feel this real urge to speak up and defend yourself and, in doing so, you won’t realize two things.

First, you don't need to defend yourself. If you don't defend yourself nothing bad happens. Nothing bad happens! Unless you are in a court of law, you don't have to defend yourself from perceived or real verbal attacks. Nothing bad will happen if you don't respond to verbal attacks.

Second, you are actually making the situation worse when you get defensive.

So, if you can just stop, take a breath, and just say something like: "Well, if you want to believe that you can." You'll feel the pressure get relieved, and you'll also realize that your new response is the most effective response anyway.

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