Interesting conversations with my kids. With my son yesterday ‘How are you feeling mate with the pain - sorry I don’t ask you that. ’…. You don’t have to ask me that Dad - Mum does it all the bloody time. ‘This must frustrate you. The whole thing with being at home must be frustrating - I bet you miss all your mates. How that makes you feel must be worse than being in pain,? Not much of a reaction from him at the time, but he opened up later in the day and included me in some Lego time, which he hadn’t done for weeks. Can’t expect too much from him with respect to sharing how he feels - considering his role model up to now. @Daniel Munro Cheers Dan was great to feel some connection with him. Conversation still felt controlled, but it’s a start. And with my Daughter today on the drive to school apologising to her for being stuck in my head with thoughts and not feeling well when I picked her up yesterday. ‘That’s ok Dad we all get like that and feel like shit and don’t always know why - I feel like that a lot and don’t say anything - you are just the same as everyone, but it still sucks. I know it had nothing to do with me’… At 17 she can express Empathy better than me at 51. Hope she doesn’t feel she needs to try and manage my feelings though. Probably need to give credit where credits due for how she has turned out - to my Wife. It’s an interesting concept to me interacting with others from their perspective, rather than from my own self-centredness. Allows the space in response to choose not to follow the automatic victim pattern but to accept what’s in front of me. At least that’s the overanalysed theory in my Nice Guy mind. Now to turn that back on myself and show empathy for my behaviour in the Now, rather than judge myself on a past or future imaginary story which only exists in my mind.

I am 24, from Czech republic. I am currently working on regaining self respect and decisiveness. I have largely been an actual nice guy when growing up, endlessly giving without expectations or being sour about what I get in return. Just genuinely enjoyed helping my close ones. It was only when I started my last relationship, now of nearly 3 years with a girl that is honestly incompetent, maturity of a teenager and ego as tough as wet tissue paper that I started souring. I have been housing and feeding her, and while surviving her constant tantrums I have put myself into the martyrdom of being her surrogate father basically - the only other choice was making her homeless which I am even now unable to do. This led to me also realizing how bad my family and friends reacted to my setting of boundaries on my time and help, which led down the rabbit hole of realizing that there was always so much bitching and moaning from all those important to me whenever I needed even minor help when growing up. The relationship is in shambles and we broke up temporarily while I still housed her, as am now, during which time she sought the attention of men who "make her feel like a woman" and generally her increasing the abuse and putting me down even more as she tried to rationalize that our lack of chemistry and love is caused by my inferiority to other men. So working on getting past this right now, trying to let go of the 10% of the time my girlfriend was very lovely, and trying to reconnect with my family, friends and hobbies that I all stonewalled due to focusing all my energy on being a "parent" walking on eggshells and constantly using kid gloves for years now.

Welcome everyone to the Brojo Integrity Army community! Thank you all so much for joining. Actions: 1) Please write a post introducing yourself - where you're from, what you're working on, and anything else you want people to know about you e.g. your most recommended self-development resources 2) Check out the other recent posts and offer support, encouragement, and advice (if asked) to join in the discussion 3) Go sign up to the Nice Guy Recovery course in the Classroom tab - it's open entry and free! 4) Join the 30 Day Social Confidence Boost Challenge! It’s free :) https://brojo.aweb.page/p/e9b073a7-2c8c-45c1-99df-8014fb7dcf49 5) Start liking and commenting on posts - this will gain you points and help you move up the ranks. As you move up, you'll unlock free courses and win prizes!! Some group rules to keep in mind: - No solicitation without my approval - do not offer your services or products as posts or private comments to other members - if someone does this, let me know immediately. This will result in a permanent ban. - Keep it respectful and try to help each other out. Disagreement is fine, abuse is not. - This page is exclusively about self-development, so discussions on unrelated topics (e.g. politics) will get deleted. - If anything in this group bothers you for whatever reason, please personally message me and I'll try to sort it out Thanks, and enjoy the community!! Dan Check out the 3min video below to learn how to use this platform

Hey guys, the video, audio and chat box recordings are now available in the Dropbox folder for yesterday's session. Password has been emailed to you. Thanks to @Chris Thompson for being transparent about the struggles he has with being judgmental, both toward himself and others, and allowing us to explore the dark controlling side of nice guy syndrome and how this relates to worrying what others think of us. Extra resources that back up our discussion: - The Shameless & Unbreakable course is probably the most relevant for a deeper dive into this topic. - Nice Guy Narcissism - Nice guys are secretly judgmental - Webinar on being judgmental Message or email me if you won't make it and want questions answered, and let me know if you're keen for the hot seat (next is Andrew). Zoom link: https://us02web.zoom.us/j/82202610772 NEXT CALL TIME:

I'm both a long term and short term investor in equities. I've done well and nothing to complain about in that department. However, I didn't know what an emotional flashback was, till recently. I've discovered a pattern of mine. Right after, I've done well and everything is great. I'll self sabotage and enter into risky transactions. And often give back part of the profits I've had made earlier. There's no rational reason, except that I enter into flashback mode and refeel the emotional distress constantly while the transaction's loss is getting bigger and bigger. Sometime, this is over 2-4 weeks. Actually, when the transaction is profitable, I don't take the profits. While, I let the losses get bigger. Which then trigger the inner critic's insulting and shame, guild invoking dialogue. Then enters toxic shame and spoils the rest of the day. Its like being struck in a time-loop. Have been doing this self-punishing for a few months now. Shows there's more healing to be done. And I'm struck in the same place for several years now. I also realize I have double binds in important areas of my life due not taking bold decisions and talking honestly.