A Breakthrough finally - About Time. · Brojo: The Integrity Army

A Breakthrough finally - About Time.

Having realized a few weeks back, what an emotional flashback was opened up an entire new world for me. Thanks

for suggesting "Surviing to Thriving "by Pete.W. Not only did the book connect many dots for me, it also gave me practical tips to handle these flashbacks.

The main ideas were knowing the Inner Critic - the Outer Critic. The loops they got one into. So at the deepest level was this childhood abandonment depression because of not proper caretaking. And the darkness, dread and depression being too intense, triggers Shame and Fear which brings on a flashback.

And the IC or OC starts with its criticizing, and depending on our types we behave with one of the 4F's Fight, Flight, Freeze and Fawn. mostly a combination of the 2 out of the 4.

The way out of the flashback, is

telling yourself that you're safe and not in any real physical danger.
Learning to relax your muscles especially shoulders, facial and back.
breathing deeply and slowly
learning to do fewer things, more deliberately.
Shrinking the IC by using VIsual stop signs and thought redirecting, substitution.
Telling yourself you are an adult and you have friends and resources that will come to your aid, if needed
The above reduces All or Nothing thinking Drasticising,etc
Mindful practices to slow the thinking /ruminating mind.

One of the detox activities is to stay away from events or people that trigger you till you have learned to desensitise yourself / your reactions.

I had to hold a meeting at our family business office, as the recruitment business had this address. This place is super triggering for me. Also, I've many hurt, angry feelings around this place.

Still, had I held the meeting elsewhere, the person would not have taken my business seriously. So It had to be done. And, instead of pissing around it, I took the bull by the horns.

I called ahead and told a staff member to have one of the office cabins cleaned. This office is adjacent to where my sister sits, with whom I've blocked communication with and who's in charge of everything.

I reached office and acted like its a normal day. Everything, I mean Everything worked out. The person I was meeting was running late, so I ended up spending 2 hours at the office. I checked in on some open tasks, called in a new office manager, asked him to introduce himself,etc,etc.

I had the meeting and left the office without any drama. Inside, my inner child was jumping for joy. I didn't know that it would be so easy. All I did was not listen to the IC and just do the thing. I did not listen to the negative story.

And realized There is no Negative story. There never was. It was all make-believe in my head.

I promised myself, that I would do things in all other important areas of my life, Areas that,I had not been doing simply because of these stories, I'd made up in my head.

I had been putting off so much stuff until some day When I would be ready. There was no need, there is not need to listen to that voice in my head. That voice is not me, it's against me. Its called an Inner Critic for some reason. It ain't my friend and I ain't listening to it no more.

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