Being Hard On Yourself Doesn't Make You Stronger

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I want to talk to you about something we don't often give ourselves permission to do, especially when life feels like it's just too much: being gentle with ourselves.

I know how hard that can be, especially when the weight of everything we're going through makes it feel like we're barely keeping our heads above water. But here's the truth—self-compassion isn't a luxury; it's a necessity. It's not a soft option or something we should only do when things are going well. It's the best thing we can offer ourselves, especially during the storm.

It's easy to slip into self-criticism when life gets hard—and I mean gut-wrenchingly hard.

We start telling ourselves that we're not strong enough, that we should handle things better, and that if only we were tougher, smarter, and more resilient, we wouldn't feel this way. But I need you to hear this: being hard on yourself doesn't make you stronger. It just makes the pain harder to bear. And here's the thing: we can't heal what we refuse to feel and grow when we're at war with ourselves.

Being gentle with yourself is not about letting yourself off the hook. It's about recognizing that you are human—you're allowed to feel tired, overwhelmed, and afraid. It's about acknowledging that you're doing your best with what you have. And sometimes, that "best" doesn't look like much.

Sometimes, it's just getting through the day.

But that is still enough.

Let's talk about what gentleness looks like because it feels foreign for so many of us. It might look like giving yourself permission to rest when you're exhausted, even if a part of you says you don't deserve it. It might look like choosing to speak to yourself with kindness when you only want to beat yourself up for not having it all together. It might look like holding space for your grief, your anger, and your frustration without trying to rush through it or bury it.

And I get it.

Being gentle with ourselves can feel so uncomfortable. We've been taught to believe that toughness is strength and that pushing through pain is a badge of honor.

But real strength? It's in the gentleness. It's in giving ourselves the grace to be where we are without judgment.

Think about it this way: if a friend came to you, broken and hurting, would you tell them to get over it? Would you berate them for not having their act together? Of course not. You'd wrap them in love. You'd tell them it's okay to not be okay. You'd remind them of their worth, their value, and their capacity to heal. So why do we find it so hard to do the same for ourselves?

We need to rewrite that narrative.

Because the truth is, when we're gentle with ourselves, we create space for healing. We allow ourselves to process what we're going through without the added weight of self-judgment. We begin to trust that even in the most painful moments, we are worthy of love and care.

So, if you're going through a lot right now—and I know so many of you are—I hope you will practice being gentle with yourself.

Not just today but every day.

Be mindful of the way you talk to yourself. Pay attention to the moments when you're tempted to push through pain without giving yourself time to breathe. And above all, remember this: you are worthy of the same kindness and compassion that you so freely offer others.

Being gentle doesn't mean you're weak. It means you're brave enough to care for yourself while surrounded by the chaos. You're allowing yourself to recover from all those times when you and the people around you weren't kind and understanding.

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