11d ago in General discussion
5 things to ignite excitement in your life and relationships
I covered this in an answer to someones question but it is worth a seperate post. I'll try not to get into the weeds too hard here.
A common thing I have noticed over the past few years are higher number of normal people (rather then clinically diagnosed people) feeling a lack of excitement and motivation. They can feel this way about life in general, or they can feel this way about their relationships.
This is a form of depression, or at least a depressive state. There are a lot of variables here and reasons you might be dealing with this, and getting into all those possibilities would take an entire book. If you struggle with this DM me and we'll maybe do a session to unpack your specific situation and action plan.
That said, I think if I am to paint this with a broad brush, what I am finding is that in Western Countries we have a higher level of safety and security then we have ever had in our history, along with easy access to dopamine inducing activities (social media, porn, video games, drugs, etc). This socio-economic stability coupled with easy access to dopamine inducing stuff has caused this complacency, apathy, and dissatisfaction that leads to this overall feeling of a lack of excitement. Many guys find themselves in this situation. Here is the way out of it.
First, is make sure you are taking care of the 8 core basics that I have talked about before (Mastermind guys, that's in your NBC course material). You can fiind these listed in the accountability sheets in the classroom, but they are Sleep, Exercise/activity, diet, sunlight, social connection, mindset (gratitude and intention), environment, and goals. If you don't at least 7/10 optimize these daily, you are at risk of becoming more depressive or anxious and unhappy. Period.
But once the easy stuff is taken care of, here are 5 things to look at next. This is especially true in your relationships. If there is too much stability in your relationships believe it or not they will become dull or boring. If there is too much drama then they consume your life and drain your soul. So the key is having a healthy balance of these 5 things. When I say "balance" I don't mean equal, I mean ratio, if that makes sense.
Stability/predictability - If you don't have enough of this, your life will be chaos. If it is chaotic for too long, a lot of people just give up and go through periods of just losing the will to want to do anything to change their circumstance. You lose enthusiasm and get into a depressive state, and you'll have difficulty enjoying life when it becomes more stable. Too much chaos over loads those receptors. Think of soldiers who do heavy combat and experience heavy excitement/fear/chaos in combat, but then struggle to enjoy normal life when they get home.
Hard work - If people don't do some sort of work that is challenging, whether it's at their jobs or BJJ class, they can't and won't really be able to have that sense of accomplishment and excitement. You have to face challenges that require hard work in your life in order to really enjoy life in a mentally balanced way. Even my 75 year old mom and her friends work hard on their hobbies and stuff they do in retirement, and it keeps them healthy and happy and alive with a sense of purpose in their final days. And the elderly people who stop working hard wither away and die a lot faster.
Variety - We evolved from nomadic tribes who were constantly moving and changing their environments for survival. And now we sit in front of screens in the same spot for 12 hours per day. Any wonder why people are miserable? You have to create variety in your life. You can't have too much chaos, but you can't be so stable that you aren't experiencing new things. People often become miserable and create drama when this happens. And I believe a lack of new experiences can cause people to get into a depressive state. And certainly, wasting your dopamine in a stale, electronic environment will cause apathy and difficulty experiencing real life to the fullest.
Leisure - If you are constantly chasing goals and working and having a measured purpose for everything without taking the time just to enjoy stuff and experiences with no purpose or goal, then your work and value will lose meaning. You have to step away from that shit regularly. Stop and "smell the flowers" as the saying goes. Just enjoy things. Teach yourself how to do this if you lost this. Alpha mindset course and coaching calls for mastermind can address these things.
Unpredictability. This is a novel concept that I think people overlook. But think about it... what creates or enhances excitement? It's actually unpredictability. Think about watching a sporting event. Let's say you are watching the recording of an MMA fight that you really want to see. The excitement comes from the build up and not knowing the outcome. When you know who the winner is before the fight, you may be able to still enjoy watching it, but you will inevitably lose most of that enthusiasm. It seems to make sense that if you want more enthusiasm in your life experiences, put yourself in unpredictable situations that you have to work through. Many people live a life of too much comfort. Some people work hard to get stability in their lives, but then they get stuck in a routine. And then everything becomes predictable. Once this happens, life loses excitement. If your life has too much predictability, than you aren't challenging yourself enough. You need to put yourself in unfamiliar situations, find things that are a challenge to you, and where you don't always know the outcomes.
It seems that if you don't have a healthy balance of these 5 things, the dopamine, seratonin, norepinephrine systems in one way or another will be compromised. And you won't be able to experience that excitement for various things in your life, or experience life to the fullest. So if you feel a lack of excitement, start here. Make sure you are managing your core 8, and then evaluate these 5 things. Where are you missing something? This is a good place to start anyway.
I'll add one more thing. Kind of an overall tip. Stop or reduce recreational drugs and alcohol. Mainly I am talking about weed and alcohol. I hope we aren't dealing with heroine or meth or anything crazy like that with you guys here. 😂
Why do I say this? Think about it. Alcohol and weed allows you to zone out doing absolutely nothing interesting. Sitting at a bar having the same stupid conversations with idiots for example isn't exactly helping you get excited about doing cool shit. Getting high and binge watching sponge bob until you fall asleep isn't really getting you motivated to attack the next day with a vengeance. And if any of this applies to you, STOP lying to yourself. Addictive substances have an interesting way of causing your lower brain to trick you into rationalizing doing more of the substance. And the more you do that, the more it kills your drive.
When you can get on a kayak or go fishing for example without having to crush a 6 pack or 12 or 24, or without smoking a joint, you are training your brain to truly and organically enjoy these experiences without having to sedate yourself with serotonin replacement (THC) or a depressant (alcohol). Just think about it.
Now this isn't AA, and I am not telling you what to do. And you can enjoy a nice cocktail or get a little high if it will truly enhance an experience. But the key is enhance, not replace. And the key is once and awhile, not all the time.
I think substance induced depression (causal drinking and casual marijuana use) is affects a lot more people then what most of us realize. Because it's legal and easy to do now, and socially acceptable. So Just consider all this, especially if you are struggling with motivation and excitement and enjoyment. If you have dulled your system with a casual use of substances, you are going to need to retrain your brain to enjoy things without them.
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5 things to ignite excitement in your life and relationships
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