@Paul Benjamin I've noticed a tendency in myself to display hypervigilant and fear-based aggressive behaviors in circumstances that present perceived risk of being cheated/taken advantage of/snubbed ref. job circumstances/compensation/other things related to the lower levels of the Maslow hierarchy. I've no doubt this relates to paradigms that stem from childhood and fear of being neglected and the inherent threats to survival that brings in young life, but the question is this: How do I cultivate more composure when the instinct to "go for the jugular" (of a manager, colleague, business partner, etc.) and launch a preemptive strike/deterrance as soon as those long standing survival triggers/behaviors begin to manifest, while maintaining healthy and appropriate boundaries when lines are crossed? And how to accurately discern the difference? It hasn't yet caused true catastrophe in my life as outwardly i’m quite composed (but not perfect) but it could at the very least sour one's existence internally and it's not something I want to stain or be the flavor of my years on this earth. P.S. I'm sure there are direct parallels to how this plays out with a calm and composed mindset with women and maintaining frame as all of this comes down to a core feeling of safety that is independent of outside circumstance, but the above is a domain I find more important to serve first.

@Paul Benjamin love your latest newsletter on traumatized pussy 🤣 “buckle up motherfuckers . . .” 🤟🏼 (P.S. I am one such motherfucker)

@Paul Benjamin it's recently become clear to me that my body still stores trauma from events that took place during (i.e. abruptly interrupting) sleep in my previous career that required immediate response/escape/evasion. For over a decade it has manifested as an immediate jolt of adrenaline/cortisol/anxiety the second I wake and puts me in that autonomic response mode (no flashbacks or vivid memories of any sort in those moments though). What treatment modality would you recommend to address this and teach my body that that is no longer necessary, and allow it to wake up in a peaceful and calm state instead? Self-treatment would be ideal, but results are the priority.

I have material already set to run a coaching program with course material for these three things. Assuming any of these would be affordable and world class, if I launch it next month, which would you be more likely to enroll in? For my mastermind guys you would have access to this with your membership already, but your opinion matters to me. Which would you like to have more material on and extra coaching calls on?

Morning Apex Gang. This week ownership and accountability has been heavy on my mind. With the accountability chat in the recent Zoom call, and going through my own journey, I’ve been down a rabbit hole of self discovery. As many (probably most lol) of you know, I broke up with my LTR of 3.5 years back at the end of May. There were a lot of reasons I won’t get into, but it was a break up neither of us really wanted, but our frustrations lead to resentment that got the best of the relationship. From a societal standpoint, most people react to break ups the same way : that sucked, let’s find the next one. It’s why I believe majority of people go from failed relationship to failed relationship. Each time they quickly exit and enter something new, they’re carrying the pain they didn’t heal from on top of their own shit they haven’t identified as their blind spots. They dump all that baggage on the new person and cycle repeats. For the first 2 weeks after my break up, I fell into a similar trap. Fuck her, she’s missing out, time to be a savage and slay pussy. I quickly learned the thrill of smashing randoms was pretty empty, and I missed the connection with my LTR. I gave myself some time to reflect on what was important, and it kept pointing me back to her. At the end of June I initiated contact and set up a time for my Ex and I to chat. Everything I had thought about I laid out on the table. I wanted to get back together, but she wasn’t ready. Over the last 4 weeks, it’s been a rollercoaster of emotions for me. My ex wants me, she doesn’t want me. We had rockstar sex the first 2 meet ups, the 3rd she couldn’t do it emotionally. I’m her person, she just wants to be friends. It’s been a very confusing time, but each time we met I would gain more clarity over our situation which fueled my own personal growth. Last week I hit some major breakthroughs on how my prior trauma affected my relationship, almost self sabotaging it in a way. It’s a surreal moment for me though, as the price came at the cost of my LTR. Despite that, I couldnt have come to these realizations if things happened any differently. The last four weeks needed to almost happen EXACTLY how they unfolded. Instead of pursuing coping mechanisms to escape the healing, I tackled it head on. Looking back, I know it’s unconventional to keep working on a relationship that’s dead, but it’s fueled such incredible growth for me.