I'm crying lastnight because I feel not good enough. It's been like that the last few days and I don't know what happened or what made me sad. I can see all of the bad in the world and the bad in people and I can feel all the fear in me and the sadness and hopelessness to be anything else but the shit i was born as. Even though I've been trying for so long. For two days I started saying things like, why am I bothering trying to be good enough, when I'm not good enough. And 'I'm going to die one day and no one will even care or notice that I was here'. Which makes me think it might be because I only have two children and they're not in my life and I don't have a partner. Not that I want a partner. I've found partners to be transactional and conditional, I just want to be good enough so that my kids will want to spend time with me and then one day they will have a family and they will want to be in my life too. But today it's the opposite to that. I'm an unimportant afterthought in the background somewhere. Thought of if I'm needed. And then used for the purpose. I've seen no pictures of me. No one knows I'm here. No one will ever know I was here.

I don't know how relevant this is. But my Son(15) just told me that he's not coming to my house tonight for the weekend. Which he does the majority of the time(not come that is). I never know when I'm going to see him and I never know if I can plan to do things that weekend or not till the lastminute. But besides the inconvenience, it's really about how his family makes me feel. I'm just a doormat. They will decide whether they're coming or not, and they will decide when they're coming, and the Mum gives the children that choice and I'm just left here hoping and waiting unknowingly. All I want to do is to tell him to not come anymore, because I'm tired of the heart wrenching feelings. It feels like I'm a lastminute thing that he might come to, if he feels like it. And him and his family just plays games with my heart and he's allowed to. Doesn't even have the decency to ever ring me and tell me. If I was treating another adult in this way my behavior would be called out and looked at and brought to attention, and I would have to be manipulative and unaware to do that to someone. But because he's my Son I have to have compassion and consideration, which I've always had, and just be messed around by him and his Mum. I assume I'm not putting up enough boundaries. But either way 3 more years and he'll be an adult and he already doesn't want to come to my house. Well that's what it feels like. Notice I say 'their' house, 'his' family, 'his' house or 'home' when referring to his Mums house, and 'my' house when I'm referring to my house(which should be his other house or his other home), and 'your' family when I'm talking to him about his Mums family, and 'my' family when I'm talking about his family on this side. His mother has wanted it separate like this for years. And I've just slowly accepted it until now it is like this. There's no reason for me to just be a piece of rubbish on the side. I don't know if this is the right place for this. Don't where else to go.

I’m trying to make a 1% progress daily and I’m a 100 days we will have a progress rate of 100% This is of course a method given to me by Dan the man. I feel it is working well, at times it does feel a little slow however I believe that is what I have needed to not be inundated and overwhelmed with so many things on my to do list. Thnx Dan u r the Man ✌🏻🫶🏻 Now it’s time for me to start writing down my core values…. where do I find the program¿! Still having difficulty in navigating through the app ☺️

Hey guys, the video, audio and chat box recordings are now available in the Dropbox folder for yesterday's session. Password has been emailed to you. Big thanks to @Donelle McKinley for allowing us to explore the apparent conflict between Integrity and Relationships - particularly the sense that you must trade off your freedom to have someone else in your life. Extra resources that back up our discussion: - The Building Rapport course is the most relevant to today's discussion. - Feeling trapped? - https://theinspirationallifestyle.com/feeling-trapped-more-freedom/ - Push them away with honesty - https://theinspirationallifestyle.com/seduction-technique-honesty/ NEXT CALL TIME: - Europe: Tues 5th Nov, 7pm UK time (8pm CET) - USA: Tues 5th Nov, 11am PST (2pm EST) - Oceania: Wed 6th Nov, 8am NZ time (Wed 6th Nov, 6am Sydney time) Message or email me if you won't make it and want questions answered, and let me know if you're keen for the hot seat (next is Hemi). Zoom link: https://us02web.zoom.us/j/82202610772

Unfortunately I won't be able to make the Brotherhood call Today - family shit. Looking forward to the replay @Donelle McKinley @Daniel Munro