I think I learnt something but I'm not sure

I talked to my mother today. She come down after my brother same. I am keeping my distances.

My mother and I talked, she asked if I want to spend time with her and my brother. I was offended because they always put me down. I can go on and on, but as we were talking my mother was 'justifying' the pass as reasons to continue with there behaviour. My mother was cry a bit, got angry a bit and it sounded manipulative with a lot of lying. But that could be a bias (don't know) it's so much of the same thing with out any changes, so I just assume. She left upset.

One thing about the conversation was her taking me to a private school and getting my uncle to make me study, which sounds like a good thing. Her bringing this up today felt like 'I did this for you, so you owe me' type of thing. It feels like she believes she has the reins to my life and she's upset because I don't see it that way. She made me do the 'empathetic thing' about her and her and my brothers situation. It feels manipulative but I don't know.

She said "you don't tell me anything" and began to cry. There have been plenty of times when I opened up to her and she put me down. And she told me that!

But I told her about my studies in Cyber security and the opportunities it comes with it. She did nod yes when I reminded her. Overall, its like she can't see pass her own nose.

I tried to explain my perspective and she not listening. She made me feel that what I went through matters not and the efforts I've done without them matters not. Like they don't exist. During this conversation, it's like she doesn't see me, like I'm not even there. It's like I don't matter, what happened to me don't matter, what I'm doing to move forward doesn't matter, what I'm saying doesn't matter.

(This reminds me of the session I had with Ryan when I opened up about not getting what I want and feeling bad for wanting what I want).

I wanted to share and be open. Any tips/advise please? It would be appreciated. Sharing this helps me uncover and understand things better, so I can do better at doing the Dive to the Five and self hypnosis sessions.

6 comments