Are there reasons why people feel lonely? People tend to feel this even when they’re around people.

Just got so motivated to do so much more inner game and self-hypnosis. Looking for the meaning of things. I do understand and listing to feelings but logic/reason does get it the way sometimes and makes me doubt how I feel. In terms of how I feel and what resonates with me right now is 'Why I haven't been taking the leaps forward towards a better life/future I know I deserve?" I was thinking about this question today reflecting on the pass and I felt that I did wrong about many things and many mistakes in my life. A lot of guilt in my past. I should be a better friend, brother, son etc. I know I can't do life perfect but I feel guilty about it. There are times where I should of been there in sickness and health, but I wasn't. I do feel sad and guilty about this. Even now it's like I could do so much but at this time I am not at the financial position to do so. I feel guilty about this too. A great friend of mine, her father just past away and I want nothing more when to go and she her and support her. That triggered the feeling of "Not at the financial position to do so" and "I should be a better friend, brother, son etc" To tie all this together is that can't move/shouldn't and feel guilty to move forward because I feel I need to 'fix' the past, to 'amend' maybe. I don't the right words to express this, but to make it right, whatever that means. I don't feel comfortable to move forward if I don't make this right. Another thing, Why is it that I sometimes hesitate to take action and when I take do, I don't give it my absolute effort? There are so many things to uncover but here are a few things. Just by writing this the feelings came up and went down again that this mean something too? Be well everyone

I learnt something today. Today I went to a funeral to support my friend in the passing of her father. In all, outside of the circumstances it went well. I saw my friend after many years and it seemed she was very secure within herself. She did find it difficult saying goodbye to her dad but allowing her to feel was admiring. She is finding it challenging today as to be expected but it is inspiring to see her take on this challenge with stride. This is the first time I become aware of someone who is secure in themselves. She may not be perfect, in opinion, no one needs to be. She is not a Saint, I'm not either. I am not sure of the decree of 'secureness' but she is secure. This motivates me to want to do more work in regards to "inner game'. Seeing it for the 1st time in someone is so "attractive", so "admiring" and something truly "inspiring". It's a very magnifying energy. Someone who values strength, beauty, wisdom, love, truth and intelligence. Being secure in oneself, feeling/knowing that your valuable, loving oneself and being so healthy emotionally and mentally healthy is truly important. You can have all the strength, beauty, wisdom, love, truth and intelligence and more if you want to. Hey ... have it all if you so want to. Because what I learnt is being secure in oneself, feeling/knowing that your valuable, loving oneself and being so healthy emotionally and mentally healthy is truly the real super power. So take what you want, take it all, because I prefer this over that any day. (I do like, prefer and see the important and merit in relationships, resources, power, control but I don't know if there my values)

I talked to my mother today. She come down after my brother same. I am keeping my distances. My mother and I talked, she asked if I want to spend time with her and my brother. I was offended because they always put me down. I can go on and on, but as we were talking my mother was 'justifying' the pass as reasons to continue with there behaviour. My mother was cry a bit, got angry a bit and it sounded manipulative with a lot of lying. But that could be a bias (don't know) it's so much of the same thing with out any changes, so I just assume. She left upset. One thing about the conversation was her taking me to a private school and getting my uncle to make me study, which sounds like a good thing. Her bringing this up today felt like 'I did this for you, so you owe me' type of thing. It feels like she believes she has the reins to my life and she's upset because I don't see it that way. She made me do the 'empathetic thing' about her and her and my brothers situation. It feels manipulative but I don't know. She said "you don't tell me anything" and began to cry. There have been plenty of times when I opened up to her and she put me down. And she told me that! But I told her about my studies in Cyber security and the opportunities it comes with it. She did nod yes when I reminded her. Overall, its like she can't see pass her own nose. I tried to explain my perspective and she not listening. She made me feel that what I went through matters not and the efforts I've done without them matters not. Like they don't exist. During this conversation, it's like she doesn't see me, like I'm not even there. It's like I don't matter, what happened to me don't matter, what I'm doing to move forward doesn't matter, what I'm saying doesn't matter. (This reminds me of the session I had with Ryan when I opened up about not getting what I want and feeling bad for wanting what I want). I wanted to share and be open. Any tips/advise please? It would be appreciated. Sharing this helps me uncover and understand things better, so I can do better at doing the Dive to the Five and self hypnosis sessions.

My brother is living with me and my father. He turned 29 this year. I try my best to connect with him but being around him feels uncomfortable. He were close as kids but our mother wasn't too kind with both of us. I can go on but he now gives similar treatment as my mother once did. I'm 26 now and I've been getting this treatment between the age of 10 - 13. He deals with it by getting drunk and then beings by taking down on me with anger and cockiness. He told me today what he does this by 'trying to help'. He tells me that he 'hates me'. I don't know why. I sometimes see him smile when he treats me poorly. I can't move out right now, but when I get a job in Pentesting I will be able to travel. From there, I was thinking to never see him again, as I did with my mother. I just saw briefly after 2 years. I feel/think that my brother let me down. Any tips would be appreciated.