Women are Hypergamous, Men want loyalty...

I'm posting this because an interesting question was brought up in another thread. It's a question that some of us men often ask, and that is "should I want more"?

This is in reference to the goal of optimized happiness in an LTR.

I covered in a previous post that some requirements a woman has for choosing a mate isn't actually them choosing based on "the best" or most optimized of a quality but on meeting a minimal requirement. So for example, height. Women might say "I want a guy who is six feet tall" but really most will fuck a guy (and relationship a guy) who is not 6 feet. It's really a minimal height that they are looking for. And she could be with a man who is 5'7" and that man can be "her best". Really it's a minimal standard that she needs.

What makes them hypergamous is that there are 5 needs that they MUST maximize for a guy to be perceived as her Apex Alpha; those being meeting her Sexual, emotional, security, paternity, and legacy needs. A guy can be a greek god who checks all the blocks; but she will perceive the 5'7" man who gives her peak feelings in those 5 categories as "her best" mate option.

You can read the other thread for more explanation on that with women. But what about guys? What can we look at to predict if a man is making the "right choice" for maximum happiness in an LTR?

First off, men ARE NOT hypergamous. Men ARE NOT hypergamous. Meaning you, with the dick and balls..... YOU ARE NOT HYPERGAMOUS!

lol, had to say that because I run into it with new guys to my stuff... they have heard the word and they think guys must be the same as women because of equality and gynocentrism and all that jazz. Nope lol. Men are different.

Now, are some men "never satisfied" and always looking for more no matter what they have? Yes. But usually that is an inner game problem (I see this as a problem) that needs to be corrected. Most men aren't always striving for more in new women never to be satisfied ever when it comes to an LTR, provided that the woman checks his boxes (I will get into that later). And thank fucking God lol. What a nightmare that would be.

I'll prove this with a couple of examples. One is almost every guy has been around the block too many times like me has had absolutely gorgeous bitches who were out of their fucking minds. I remember a Russian Model I dated before I got married. Hot bitch, 10/10 lay. She threw an absolute fit at a club when she couldn't find her purse and was screaming at the top of her lungs, among other things. I dropped that bitch off never to be seen again. She was one of the hottest I had been with. Another chick who was also a model (I am seeing a retarded trend here lol. My dumbass needs to be picking doctors instead of models but I digress) but was in the military as a recruit at 17. My friend brought me in to teach combatives to the recruits. She got my facebook and made a pass at me, I jokingly told her I don't mess with girls under 21. This bitch waited 4 years, hit me up after she turned 21, flew in from Texas just to get absolutely railed for 4 days. She was THE BEST sex I had ever had FOR AWHILE after. And sometimes I still wonder and make my girlfriend remind me who's better lol.

I had other girls after in LTR's that were not as hot as the two I mentioned. I never once felt like I was missing these two girls I mentioned. The best looking or damn near the best looking but best lay (and someone who I really enjoyed being around), and I was glad to not be with them. The crazy Russian was a long time ago and I highly doubt she is alive today considering how fast and crazy her life was. The other girl I still have on my social. Still hot but a fucking wreck. Not LTR material. Found out that she left some guy behind to get blown out by me for 4 days as well so no loyalty in that one.

A guy can totally brain dump and not care about some girl who was a good lay, or hotter, or better in certain ways from his past when the girl he is with is checking his boxes and pushing his buttons. It doesn't work this way with women.

Another piece of evidence is just how Hypergamy was first discovered, which I believe was with the cast system in India. The men would almost always mate downward in cast if the girl was pretty and he liked her. Women would almost NEVER do the same. Just look at Prince Charles today. Guy throws away his entire legacy to be with some average looking bitch because she presses his buttons. He isn't the only one; men do this all the time. That is something you almost NEVER see with women. The drive towards always wanting "the best" would put female royalty in the position to only look for a close equivalent in class/caste.

So if us guys aren't "hypergamous," what are we?

Men are always striving for the minimum, and then building experiences from there.

So a man just wants the girl to be hot enough. Sexy enough. Fun Enough. Accomplished enough. Big enough tits. Smart enough. Etc.

And different guys have different minimals. A guy who is used to dating really hot women has a higher minimal then the guy who dates fatties. The guy who tends to date educated and professional women might have a hard time getting with some waitress from the trailer park for more than a night. Just like girls have minimums for most things, the minimums are what drives a guy into choosing an LTR. She doesn't have to be the best at anything. Just good enough.

From there, Vasopressin does the rest. Vasopressin is what makes you want to care take for her, protect her, and it's the essence of pair bonding for men. What stimulates vasopresin? A number of things but as it applies here:

her raw desire for you and what she does to demonstrate that

her respect and admiration of you that signals that she sees you as her best

her level of need for you and your masculine presence

her LOYALTY to you

When a girl meets your minimums, how well she demonstrates the above 4 things seems to be what gets a guy the MOST attached and believing his girl is his best match.

This is why BPD relationships can be so damaging. A girl is hot enough and meets your minimums, but she is almost trained to amp up the 4 things above right from the start. her desire is so raw that she acts like she needs your dick to survive. She tells you all the right things in the beginning demonstrating high admiration like you can do no wrong. She acts needy because your penis is SOOOO MAGICAL that she needs it and you and your manliness all of a sudden. And she will do extra shit to demonstrate how loyal she is (or at least do extra shit to SAY she is loyal). A guy gets massive vasopressin dumps during the honeymoon phase, and then once he is hooked, she devalues and takes that dude for a ride of pain and confusion.

Anyway, back to the point, you aren't a woman, and you aren't hypergamous. This is good. The girl you meet just has to meet you minimal standards, and then if she can demonstrate the 4 things above she will be in your frame and you will have great experiences with her. For every great experience where she demonstrates those 4 things, your vasopressin system will get stimulated, followed by the oxytocin and beta endorphines, and you will grow madly "in love" with your woman. Over time, she will age, but those neuro chemicals will prevail. She will someday look 90 years old, and you will look at her like she was the (minimally) beautiful women that you met for that first date.

Now if you are struggling with a girl, and wondering if you should dump her and "do better" it is probably because you are in a rock and a hard place. You have some neurochemical attachment to her but she doesn't meet your minimal. She is a little overweight but if she would just lose 20, she would be pretty enough. Or she is just not as emotionally mature as you would like, but if only she would get better at that. Or she looks great but her ass just isn't where you would want it and if only she would do a few more squats. This is the rock and hard place. You are attached to her. But she isn't meeting the minimal standards on things you think are important. So it feels like you are settling.

The second reason you might struggle is that she is not showing those 4 things enough. Sometimes doesn't respect you, or sometimes doesn't desire you like how you want. And often time a man wonders if he is good enough, and so he sticks around trying to be better and do better, feeling inadequate because she just doesn't love him how he wants.

Or, worse case, it's a combination of both. She isn't meeting minimal standards, AND she doesn't demonstrate the 4 things I mentioned. This is a guy with really low self esteem and poor inner game. If this is you we need to address that ASAP.

There are solutions to all of these, and I am not going to list them because it's kind of a lot because there are different situations that could cause her to not meet you minimals, or not demonstrate one of the 4 things you need for pair bonding.

But I will say this though. DO THE FED EX YOURSELF YOUR PERFECT GIRL exercise from Alpha Mindset Course. Do it, and let that be your guide when you're hitting the dating market. Don't try to make your standards so high that you cancel out every girl because that's an idiotic ego defense, not a criteria. But make sure when a girl is getting serious with you that she meets your minimals. Don't be in that position where you feel bonded with her and now you are trying to change shit about here that are basic things you need to be happy with a commitment. And then, make sure you are her best, and that she is mentally healthy enough to demonstrate the 4 things mentioned without holding back out of fear or as a means to try to have power over you or manipulate you.

Do this, and with your game and frame skills you'll actually fall into the perfect relationship. It's easy.... but also not easy.

13 comments