Nervous about date and I can’t tell why.

I’m going on a date this Friday.

She’s the friend of a plate I had for many years, knows entirely too much about the sexual history I had with her friend back in the day (she would brag), and (this might be all in my head) might see me as a bit of the playboy character I acted up to get away with what I now see as self-doubt. (I got laid, but not always for the right reasons. Recovering people pleaser realizing that I wasn’t some “natural” all along)

I rarely use social media, but I recently posted a picture from a wedding. She reached out immediately, and I escalated quickly. Now, we have a date lined up.

Here is the problem:

I’m ALREADY too much in my head, I can tell. I’m not being outcome-independent; I keep seeing her picture and wishing it would go well. Hard to know if it is because I have convinced myself that this is the kind of girlfriend I want to have going forward (no way of knowing any of this, but I see her as stable, boring in the right way, repressed girl with a religious background that just wants to be tossed around), or if it is because I know that even if I could lay enough game to get her that night (which I can) its everything else that stresses me out (where I am in life, how much time I can devote to an ongoing thing before I have to choose myself, whether it being authentic or not)

This past year, I’ve done the online dating thing to kill time, got laid out of boredom or what I saw as a natural progression, and kept plates for 4-6 months, but nothing I didn’t know from the get-go would be temporary. Never any cold approach (working up the courage / just don't care), and definitely no one from my past.

In my many years in red-pilled spaces, this is perhaps the second time that I’ve ever taken the time to write about women, as it wasn’t why I was drawn here. But coming out of a divorce, deep depression, and documenting my growth, I’m at the point in my life where I’m ready to both date intentionally (for my sake) and lead like the man that I am, knowing I wasn’t crazy for feeling the ways I was.

Thoughts? When do you care, when do you not? How do I get over it as I do when I know the date doesn't have long-term potential?

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