Is spinning plates getting boring for you yet?
Spinning plates boring?
So a friend and long time mastermind member (I’ll keep his name out of it unless he decides to make himself known) and I had an interesting conversation yesterday. He asked me (paraphrasing here): “I’m spinning lots of plates but honestly it just isn’t what it used to be. Smashing them isn’t even as satisfied as it once was. Have you ever felt that way?”
Background on my friend is that he does really well with women and is just always trying to improve his game (a common theme for long time mastermind guys). He is also very successful in his business. Pretty much as it all except the long term relationship. Which begs the question, why do the long term relationship at all?
Before I continue I want to say that I support whatever YOUR goals are. If you want to be MGTOW with no woman, that is your choice. If you want to spin plates and keep things causal, also your choice. Most guys however do want an LTR eventually. Part of being “blue pilled” is putting judgements on others. “Well I am in a monogamous marriage so if you aren’t, you are doing it wrong! You should settle down!” Or how about “Just spin plates bro! Never get married, and monogamy is for low value men!” Sound familiar? Even some of the guys who claim to be “red pilled” aren’t at all. They just shifted from one “safe world theory” to another.
There are no actual “right” answers here, only trade offs. Every decision with how you handle women or as we could say “reproductive needs” has pro’s and cons. You have to decide what is right for you.
But part of the reality of those decisions you make is that there are inherent “drives” that you are trying to satisfy as you live your life. That cannot be ignored or explained away. You have to deal with these “drives,” or they will control you and make decisions for you. You won’t have frame. You will be a slave to your emotions, your animal drives, and your brain wiring.
So one of your strongest drive is to “mate”. You want sexual access. How you deal with that is up to you. Go Incel and buy a sex doll and pay only fans girls? Or have hot women want to actually be with you in real relationships? The drive is there, you have to decide how you handle it. And there are many different ways, not just one or two choices. But there are multiple internal drives as well. Sexual access is one of the strongest but it is also very basic and therefore unsatisfying if other conditions aren’t met due to the other drives at work.
Having a woman “desire” you and want be with you is actually stronger of a drive then “access”. We know this because porn and hookers isn’t enough for most men, and most men who go down that road are very unsatisfied. Why? In theory it would be easier just to not deal with women and fuck hookers when we want too, right? But it’s not enough. We actually want a woman to have genuine desire. For evolutionary reasons, it is in our brain wiring. Sex isn’t enough.
But desire from women becomes not enough after a time too once satisfied. An abundence of women wanting to fuck you still leave you with a sense of not really feeling satisfied. Most men will want something more. That is also part of our brain wiring. Oxytocin and vasopressin wants us to have the RIGHT woman that we can take care of, and who can be a compliment and companion. And we don’t want her to leave or disappear out of our lives. That leads us to LTR.
So you can choose how you want to live and my job as your coach and mindset and relationship expert is to help you get whatever that is. But based on what we know about the brain and our evolution, it’s going to be an LTR eventually. After a time not having an LTR or not having the LTR with the woman you want is just a comprimise; a settling for something less. It is that way for most men.
Anyway, long prelude, but here was my answer to my friend an mastermind member:
“Yup. That's why I have a girlfriend brother. At some point most guys end up wanting a "ride or die" girl that can be a good companion and not just another pussy to smash. Most guys get into relationships because it's the only real way they can get consistent pussy. Guys like us who can be single and get casual girls without too much of a problem usually end up wanting something more.
We are wired that way. I do believe that the baseline monkey brain level is to want access to sex first. That becomes empty real quick, otherwise guys would just be satisfied with porn and hookers. No, we don't just want to "mate," we want desire too. I could bring up evidence for that all day but then this text would be even longer lol.
Most guys never truly get that "alpha desire." They don't experience it. They get a girl to fuck them and ration sex in exchange for whatever value he has to offer (transactional). They cling to a relationship right away, and shame guys like you or I who don't.
But then you experience that "real desire" that isn't transactional... and that's good for awhile. That's like the next level. It goes "access" then "desire."
But after awhile, that isn't enough. Especially as we age as men. We want some sort of legacy. And we realize that our legacy isn't just in our business or vocation. It's with the people in our tribe and women who are with us for the long haul.
As men, we have a vasopressin and oxytocin mix that makes us want to both bond and caretake for women we mate with. This means that fucking plates and girls that come and go without that companionship makes us feel like something is missing.
So it's "access" to "genuine desire" to "companionship" as that next level for us. That companionship or LTR for guys with ABUNDANCE means a lot more to us. Most guys cling to a relationship just for "access" and spend their whole lives fighting to get their wives to love them, while those wives are talking to ex's and hot guys at work and posting pics of themselves with celebrities.
Guys who really can do well with women have the opportunity for amazing relationships. They don't cling to a girl because they just need access to pussy. The girl he is with is more then pussy, and more then just some ungrateful woman that he can't seem to win over. She means a lot more to him.
For guys who cling to relationships and are bad with women (this is most guys), the "companionship" they feel is really just them spending their lives trying to win a girl over that just doesn't like them that much.
They sadly just want to be loved; and most will die never really knowing what that is like. But they will lie to themselves about this fact.
Guys like you. Me. Other guys who "get" it. We can have amazing relationships because we experience the genuine desire, and we satisfy that alpha drive to have a woman in our lives who is a true "ride or die." She not only wants to be that like many other women have, but she is actually CAPABLE of being that. And for us, it's that opportunity to have an amazing relationship that is long lasting; where we see that girl as... "more" if that makes sense.
I've been with a lot of women compared to most guys. Really 99% or more of most guys, considering the stats. And because of my game I can be broke, destitude, old, and fat, and I still could be spinning multiple plates of decent looking women tomorrow just due to game.
Yet, I have a long term girl. I like LTR's for a reason. I would rather have a legacy companion now rather than just random girls in and out of my life.
My suggestion to someone like yourself who can have whatever he wants is to really go to that next level with the right girl, and build that relationship. And there are many ways to do that and they don't have to be strict monogamy as you know (not that monogamy is bad). But Once there brother, you won't go back. You doing the LTR thing isn't the same as some guy with scarcity doing it. It's a completely different experience. When done right, it's never boring or dull. And if you go that route, you'll probably thank me when you're 80 years old lol.”
Comment below on your thoughts.
Gif on what every man seems to want eventually (whether it is marriage by "the state" or not)
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Paul Benjamin
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Is spinning plates getting boring for you yet?
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