Aug 26 in General discussion
“I wish I had a girlfriend (sigh)” 😢
Lol the title isn’t me… I already have one anyway. That is how a lot of guys think and feel so let's look at it.
A common thing for guys who are young and haven’t had abundance of dating experiences, or for guys who have gotten out of a marriage or bad relationship and haven’t been with a woman in awhile is to get that empty, sad feeling inside about not having a woman in their lives. This leads to the natural consclusion of a guy “wanting a girlfriend.” This may be the natural conclusion to you reading this but picture this. You have no less than 3 women you have sexual access too at all times who are pretty gorgeous and fun to be with. How would you feel about “needing a girlfriend” if that were the case?
You wouldn’t need a girlfriend. You would be having a lot of fun as a single guy. Now, after awhile you might decide that you want a better match for a long term companion, as that would be very natural and the conclusion that most guys with this abundance come too. But that guy doesn’t feel pain and sadness and a stabbing in their gut because they “don’t have a girlfriend.” The guy with abundance knows its just a matter of time and the right person, and they are busy enjoying life while they can WITHOUT the commitment, even if that is what they eventually want. A guy had a question about this, so thought I would share. His question was:
“Hey Paul, I remember maybe in one of your livestreams you mentioned it’s not good to feel an emotional pull to have a girlfriend. I’m writing this as I noticed just now I had a similar feeling.
Just going shopping and I saw 2 attractive couples talking and having a good time, not really doing anything specific. I felt a pull and some pain and the thought “damn I wish I had a girlfriend”.
Why is this not good and what do I do about it?” Here is my answer:
Let me clarify. It is ok to want a girlfriend someday or to feel a pull towards a healthy long term relationship. But the pain of "damn I wish I had a girlfriend" comes from scarcity that will fuck up your game.
I don't think the pain comes from just not having a girlfriend. When a guy doesn't really believe he is of mate value, it seems to signal an instinctual part of the brain to want to find a girl to validate your mate value. This puts a lot of pressure on any girl you talk to, date, or try a relationship with. Nothing is more unattractive to a woman than a man who is signaling "please love me and validate my self worth! Please!!!"
You have this empty feeling or feeling that something is missing, and the brain associates the solution as "girlfriend". That isn't the solution.
The solution is having an abundant life as a man with a ton of value to offer. That includes sexual value, and social value for women who would date you.
When you don't NEED anything and have an abundance of value to offer, hypergamy is satisfied and she wants to lock you down, and has to prove that she is worthy of your commitment. The girl that proves that she is commitment worthy and wins you over is a happy girl. The girl who has you trying to "get" her and who seeks her validation and love and approval is a turned off girl. It signals that she is bringing all the value to the relationship where as you have none to give and need to he lifted up. Hypergamous trigger to run away rather than be attracted.
The solution to this is simple, but something that people simply avoid; and that is learning game, picking up girls, and having and enjoying causal relationships. When you get various girls to say "yes" to your mate value and you have an abundant life, that "pain" of not having a girlfriend goes away. This allows you to actually get “the girlfriend” and with the right girl at the right time, and more importantly, in your frame.
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“I wish I had a girlfriend (sigh)” 😢
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