Jul 20 in Field Reports
[Field Report] Coffee shop meeting leads to date
I was out in a coffee shop late afternoon on Saturday getting some planning work done. To the front right of me were a group of 3 girls doing work. We bantered a little bit. Partway through my work session, I get up to go to the restroom. When I get back, there’s a note on my desk asking if I was single. I put my number on it, and got a response once I left the cafe. I set up a date for the next day.
Now, leading up to the date, I noticed a familiar pattern. I got nervous, which is okay, but I started to fantasize. It used to be really bad the last few times, and shows that I started to invest into this girl even before really getting to know her.
The date started off good - high interest from the girl, I took the lead. I noticed a few mistakes I made - I took the 90-10 rule too far and talked way too much in the first 30 mins. The goal was to reduce tension initially and get into good conversation but I ended up talking a little too much. I will say the girl was also equally invested in the conversation.
At some point, I started talking about philosophy(oops) and for a split second I thought the girl rolled her eyes.
That’s all it took for my inner game to crumble and I started to slip back into my shell of anti rejection behaviors. After that the date went sideways, though I still lead effectively and managed logistics well all the way to the end.
I had a talk with Paul yesterday that really cleared up a lot of the major underlying beliefs that drove the shift in my behavior and what has been holding me back for a long while.
For accountability- I’m digging into these beliefs over this weekend. I’ll be making a post before Monday detailing what I learn from my exploration; I’ve already learned some wild things about identity and how it relates to boundaries and social programming.
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[Field Report] Coffee shop meeting leads to date
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