I'm grateful for these examples of Sarah's emotional labor: -Sarah made a concerted effort today to not physically "check my work" on tasks, something she knows will trigger deep resentment and defensiveness from me. (And of course, it shouldn't be her job to emotionally regulate me) -When coming to me with issues about how the disastrous way I executed my morning tasks for the family, Sarah prioritized making sure Ella was settled in her own routine before delving into a type of criticism that otherwise would've been distressing for Ella to potentially overhear. -Sarah made a concerted effort to finish work early today because 1) She knows Mondays get me frazzled to a place where I may lean on her more for help and 2) She knows how much Ella looks forward to 1-on-1 play time. -Sarah was very transparent with me before bed tonight about how much she has left to give emotionally. Communicating her burnout is something I especially appreciate because it gives me a clear action in terms of how I, in turn, can make tomorrow less stressful for her.

Remember as much as the prize money will be nice the completion will improve the way you see the invisible labor of your partner and improve your understanding of the invisible labor you do -clearly identifying emotional labor vs cognitive -bulleting or numbering submissions -either talking about management of tone or underlying thought/emotional concern for doing something

I'm grateful for Sarah's emotional labor with: -Giving Ella the emotional space to work through her feelings about Sarah being the "preferred" parent, especially when that involves Ella being more touchy-feeling with Sarah than she is comfortable with. -Starting from a calm place while expressing her frustration with how I'm letting my dad's declining health affect my mood around everyone. -Trusting me to recenter myself after enduring a whole month of my increasingly short fuse with everyone. -Initiating an emotional conversation that challenged me to see what, if anything, I actually took away from our 8 months of couples therapy.

Today, I'm grateful for these four examples of Sarah's emotional labor: -Last night, Sarah calmly helped Ella deescalate and make it through an emotionally charged toileting emergency. -This morning, when Ella overheard a tough conversation Sarah and I were having about our plans to have her go to a new school next year, Sarah deftly framed the conversation for her in a more accessible and comforting way. -Sarah continues to check in on my emotional wellbeing in light of the ongoing stress I face in dealing with my parents. -Despite the extraordinary bad luck Sarah's had in having her birthday dinner postponed three times in the past month, she doesn't allow any disappointment or resentment she feels to get in the way of her responsibilities.

My name is Zach, married 9 years, together almost 11, living in Central MA, with one 3 year old. This work and coaching is what I do full time. What I hope to gain from this community is building a safe space for guys that want to learn to ask questions and improve their understanding of the mental load which many women have trusted in me to teach to the men in their lives