Seeking advice after a Nice Guy Syndrome incident
With Dan and Brojo's help over the years, I have gained so much more self-confidence in myself and I am immensely grateful for that. However, I had a personal Nice Guy Syndrome incident a few days ago and am looking for some advice. I work in a retail pharmacy owned by a small hospital, and I was working the cash register momentarily while waiting for my female cashier to arrive. A fellow hospital employee entered the pharmacy. I was in a good mood and had mistakenly expected a reciprocal friendly attitude from him. The hospital employee brought some candy to the register to buy, and I said "Oh I haven't seen these in a while." He responded with "Yeah, me too. If it's not good, I'm going to throw it at your face" in an unfunny and a non-sarcastic tone. I was taken aback and I said "oh... ...and why would you do that?" He says "Well, I can't throw it at the girls (the ones who order the candy). That would just be mean. Well, unless YOU identify as a girl, then well..." I went from friendly customer service mode to being bothered so quickly. Yet, I had the most difficult time standing up for myself and expressing how I truly felt. In my bothered state, I accidentally pressed the wrong button on the cash register. He then said something like, "wow, now you don't even know how to use the cash register?" In my shock, I couldn't even say anything (which made this incident even more painful). My girl cashier finally arrived and took over the transaction. I went home that night and I became emotional. And I realize that it wasn't the words that he said that hurt. What hurt was the fact that I had about 2-3 other incidences like these in the recent past, and that this was yet another incident of my inability to express how I truly felt in the moment. I was also upset that I was unable to communicate to him that what he said was not okay with me. I think my identity with Nice Guy Syndrome and my ties with my Asian culture makes it difficult at times to "not be polite"/"disturb the peace" in the moment. I seem to be thrown off-guard when I'm in a good mood and someone acts disrespectful unexpectedly.