My Wednesday Adventure as a Lazy Notary
Thought I would take a page from @Carol Ringwald . I shared this on HPN but wanted to share it here as well. Monday and Tuesday were glorious. Slow, lazy, and completely uneventful—the kind of days that make me feel like a professional sloth. I stayed in my “homeless chic” uniform: baggy sweats that had seen better days, an oversized hoodie that could double as a sleeping bag, and hair that hadn’t experienced shampoo in at least 72 hours. The beanie stayed firmly planted on my head as I shuffled between the couch and the fridge, sipping lukewarm tea and marveling at my own level of unbothered. But then Wednesday came roaring in, bringing with it a fully booked schedule from 8:00 a.m. to 4:00 p.m. The alarm blared at 6:00 a.m., and I stared at the ceiling in existential dread. Why can’t people sign important documents in their pajamas? I groaned, already mourning the loss of my couch and hoodie. Dragging myself to the shower, my inner eight-year-old was throwing a tantrum so dramatic it deserved an Oscar. “Why do I have to shower? And wear REAL CLOTHES? And—seriously—MAKEUP?!” she screamed. Adult me sighed and reminded her that professionalism is part of the gig, but even I felt the sting of betrayal as I swapped my cozy sweats for, you know, actual pants. By the time I left the house, I was clean, dressed, and begrudgingly wearing eyeliner. My notary bag was slung over my shoulder, but my heart was still at home in my slippers. At least these flats feel slipper-adjacent, I told myself as I started the car. My first stop was Harold, an older gentleman who greeted me at the door with a grin so wide it made me forget my morning drama—for about five seconds. “Did I mention I used to wrangle alligators?” he said, as if that’s something people casually drop in conversation. He didn’t wait for me to respond before launching into tales of crocodile wrestling in the Everglades while I stamped his documents and tried not to laugh too loudly. Who knew notary work came with free National Geographic episodes?