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Here’s how I get through to them. A grudge is a persistent feeling of ill will or resentment resulting from a past insult or injury. It involves harboring negative emotions, often anger or bitterness, toward someone due to a real or perceived wrongdoing. When people hold grudges against us, we might think that they’re being unreasonable and irrational. From our point of view, they should just “get over it” and “move on.” Let me tell you, that’s not a helpful attitude to take towards the feelings of others—especially if they are people that you love or care about. Lingering grudges have destroyed friendships and devastated families! We don’t want that to happen to us, do we? But if the communication is not clear and strong, it is bound to happen. You’re not powerless in this situation but you’re also not able to magically change their mind. Here’s what I did. Using the power of self-reflection, I discovered that the best I could do was change my reaction to the resentment and anger that accompanied their grudges against me. Because they were angry with me, I would attack and fire back with hurtful words so that I can hurt them in the same way I was feeling hurt. But that hasn’t resolved any of the grudges. There were no benefits of me getting angry because they were angry. I had to step back from the situation and reflect on what kind of relationship I wanted. I really wanted to be connected to them finding joy, fun and excitement in being with them. I realized trying to force them to “get over it” or hurt them for being angry with me wasn’t helping. The most powerful move I had was (and still is) to change my behavior. Not only is it the only person I can control but when I made changes, the people around me had to adjust. When I stopped giving the fiery anger that they’re giving to me, they would run out of steam, calm down and talk. That is how I broke so many patterns in my life. As for “getting through” to people who hold grudges. I find that people who close off and hold grudges have been hurt themselves.

3 Daily Habits You’ve been with me through my own personal journey to build and maintain meaningful friendships and I’ll be the first to admit that it takes effort and intention. I hope you’re not exhausted with the idea of effort. I know you have a busy life and friendships seems to be at the bottom of your priorities. I hope to convince you to give it a more meaningful spot in your life by reflecting on my own experiences. I’ve found that I become more visible to others via social media and coaching, they’ll ask about what I do to maintain relationships. I’m the first to share that, whether it's with friends or colleagues, fostering connections is a continuous journey. I have to set aside time to connect myself and with others. Here are 3 daily habits I incorporate in my routine to strengthen my friendships and working relationships: 1. Expressing Gratitude: I begin my day by expressing gratitude. Taking a moment to appreciate the people in my life sets a positive tone and reinforces the value I place on my relationships. I have a personal mantra that I say “I’m grateful to have people who understand appreciate and accept me in my life.” 2. Active Listening: I make a conscious effort to be an active listener. Whether in a casual conversation or a network meeting, I pay full attention to what others are saying. This not only strengthens my connection but also fosters a sense of being heard and understood. To strengthen this, I recommend spending just 5 minutes a day without your phone and focusing on your own thoughts in a quiet space. It will help you get better at focusing and active listening. 3. Checking-In Regularly: I set aside times each week to check in with friends or colleagues. A simple text, call, or email goes a long way in showing that I care. I ask about their day or share a quick update about mine. Some people get checked on more frequently than others, but I make time to reach out to people to demonstrate that I want to connect. The key to building strong relationships is consistency and authenticity.

A two-step guide to help you handle it. If you find yourself struggling with accepting compliments, because you think they’re disingenuous and not truthful, fear not – I've got a two-step guide to help you navigate these moments with authenticity and confidence. Step 1: Adjust Your Mindset Shift from asking yourself questions like, “What did they mean by that?” or “I wonder what they want from me?” to know that when someone pays you a compliment, it's more than just about you feeling good; it's their desire to tell you how they experience you. When you accept their compliment, in a way, you show them a bit of understanding. And we all want understanding! So, accept the compliment. With the new mindset that their compliment is not about boosting your self-esteem, it’s about boosting THEIR self-esteem and acknowledging them. If you think the compliment is disingenuous, after accepting it is the time to discover this. Step 2: Get Curious Delve deeper. Ask specific questions about what they appreciate. For example, if someone had suggested that you are amazing, inquire, "What about me do you find so amazing?" This not only provides insight into their genuine thoughts but also allows you to acknowledge their feelings. For me, when people compliment me and it doesn’t feel authentic, it’s usually because they can’t say specifically what actions or behaviors or experiences, they enjoy about me. Still, I don’t dismiss the compliment. Remember, accepting compliments is not just about you—it's a shared experience that contributes to meaningful connections. I want to make sure to connect by acknowledging how they may be experiencing me by simply saying “Thank you.” One last thought. While giving compliments, consider that the most genuine ones are based in specificity. Instead of just saying I think you’re great, I recommend that you share a joyful experience that you’ve had with them and highlight some of the desirable actions and behaviors you’ve noticed. ✨What are some compliments have you received that feel a fake or disingenuous?