Dec '23 in People Mastery
What to do when compliments don't feel genuine.
A two-step guide to help you handle it.
If you find yourself struggling with accepting compliments, because you think they’re disingenuous and not truthful, fear not – I've got a two-step guide to help you navigate these moments with authenticity and confidence.
Step 1: Adjust Your Mindset
Shift from asking yourself questions like, “What did they mean by that?” or “I wonder what they want from me?” to know that when someone pays you a compliment, it's more than just about you feeling good; it's their desire to tell you how they experience you.
When you accept their compliment, in a way, you show them a bit of understanding.
And we all want understanding!
So, accept the compliment.
With the new mindset that their compliment is not about boosting your self-esteem, it’s about boosting THEIR self-esteem and acknowledging them.
If you think the compliment is disingenuous, after accepting it is the time to discover this.
Step 2: Get Curious
Delve deeper. Ask specific questions about what they appreciate. For example, if someone had suggested that you are amazing, inquire, "What about me do you find so amazing?" This not only provides insight into their genuine thoughts but also allows you to acknowledge their feelings.
For me, when people compliment me and it doesn’t feel authentic, it’s usually because they can’t say specifically what actions or behaviors or experiences, they enjoy about me.
Still, I don’t dismiss the compliment.
Remember, accepting compliments is not just about you—it's a shared experience that contributes to meaningful connections.
I want to make sure to connect by acknowledging how they may be experiencing me by simply saying “Thank you.”
One last thought.
While giving compliments, consider that the most genuine ones are based in specificity.
Instead of just saying I think you’re great, I recommend that you share a joyful experience that you’ve had with them and highlight some of the desirable actions and behaviors you’ve noticed.
✨What are some compliments have you received that feel a fake or disingenuous?
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What to do when compliments don't feel genuine.
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