Finding self · Release Your F*cks Society

Finding self

There seems to be a theme for me lately, “Finding Self”.

I grew up very religious. I have some religious trauma that I am working on in therapy and I’m realizing how religion seeped into almost every aspect of my life. I deconstructed my faith but I never deconstructed how that faith affects me in non religious context. I am an agnostic atheist now and am learning to navigate the world without religion. I’m learning who I am without religion as well.

Growing up I was always told who I was, rather, who I was supposed to be. From 4yrs old to 29, I was trying to fit into this precut mold, shoving the overlapping parts of me inside as if they were always meant to be there. I was a Christian. I was a follower of Christ. I was only what “god” approved of me to be, and by “god” I mean my pastor, elders, and parents. I never really had the opportunity to explore self and who she was meant to be.

Taking religion away, taking god out of the equation, taking back my autonomy, has been a difficult, painful, lonely road but I found my way out and I have no regrets.

One thing I still struggle with is self. One of the recent mediations was asking “who am I?”, a question I have been scared to face because I didn’t know how to answer. Reading through some of your responses and posts encouraged me to face that question head on and really consider who I am and who I want to be. In the last meditation I did on gratitude I was finally able to confidently say I am grateful for myself and who I am becoming. I still have a long journey ahead but I’m no longer afraid or holding back.

I’m thankful for this community of online strangers and I’m rooting for anyone who is on the same journey!

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