Day One · Release Your F*cks Society

Day One

I've deleted the fake friends, my husband's family, the friend requests I accepted because I didn't want to hurt their feelings. Even my one true friend. I see her at least once a month, so I know she understands.

I don't care about the anniversary of a colleague from twenty-five years ago or the births of my ex hairdresser. I've kept my Facebook account to follow things of interest, like Australian native gardens, animals and birds, wellbeing, history, music, and food. Also to read odd posts about concerts and markets, which I probably won't go to and books which I won't read.

I've been buying and selling on Marketplace, so now, of all the fucks I shouldn't give energy to, I wonder what people might think of me when they see that I have no Facebook friends. I'm sure they don't think or care about what I think of their 759 or more friends, or whether I believe them. I hope they have one true friend.

Do people collect friends on social media to avoid the possibility of one day being alone?

What would they do better or differently if they had to rebuild their lives from scratch?

I'm lonely and not because of the 'social' detox. I'm married with two adult children. I'm not scared of being alone. I actually need to decompress; to unpeople and spend time by myself. I'm planning a solo trip. I'm not lonely when I'm by myself. I'm disconnected. I've lost myself...or to own my bullshit, I'll say that I didn't see the red flags, I married a narcissist who wore me down and I gave up on myself. I used to judge women like that. I've changed.

I went to see Richard Clapton two nights ago. He's seventy-five. All of the musical artists whose soundtracks shaped my life, are either of similar age or dead. I'm grateful to have seen so many live performances. We're all on the train.

'To plant a garden is to believe in tomorrow.' Audrey Hepburn.

So I plant and I water.

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