For those of you looking at plugging back into what we worked on in Fair Play 101, wanting accountability and conversations to continue or bring back momentum, tomorrow I'll be hosting a session to help men improve their marriages and take a look at how they can be owning more of the mental load I know their wives desperately want Link is in the calendar:) Monday 1pm EST For those of you that have wanted to introduce this work to someone but they wouldn't want a 1 on 1 call, this is a good opportunity to invite to.

For my July Cohort, here is what you will be learning/practicing today: (new cohorts, can't hurt to learn early) Anger - when Alyssa tells me to do something I’m already doing and have been thinking about Shame - when there are still moments of Alyssa holding the mental load of chores that I own and have slipped on with the standard (trash she took to the curb today bc I didn’t do it last night the way o normally do) Guilt - that Alyssa has owned so much of the process of us choosing what details of the house to update as we prepare our house to put on the market Guilt 2- anytime I was not doing significant labor and my in laws were doing more in a given moment than I was when they came over to help clean up Fear - that my ability as a coach and community manager/leader is not delivering enough results and that participants are not being set up well enough to succeed, resulting in a failing business Sad - when Alyssa has lost trust in me and feels hurt or lonely Lonely - the months between when Alyssa initiates physical intimacy Hurt - When Alyssa blamed me for her kicking over my coffee mug this morning (albeit a non-ideal location) Joy - seeing my mom play and teach Everly all day yesterday

Attempt Completing one of these in this community.

1: Reflect on the top five domestic tasks you often feel create issues, what do you think the % allocation is, and what you would like for it to be? - Child’s laundry - 90/10% - Tidying the home - 60/40% - Organizing clutter - 80/20% - Bill transactions - 20/80% - Child care - 80/20% 2: Identify 10 invisible labor tasks in your home that weigh the most - Keeping bathroom stocked - Keeping laundry room stocked - House night shift closing - Grocery shopping for adequate nutrition to be able to effectively breastfeed - Planning & scheduling family appointments/activities - Child care purchases 3: Where does your family draw comparison with the man on the airplane story? - In many cases, I find that my mind is racing with many different thoughts about what is to happen in the home or for the home. While I know that my husband has just as many things on his mind, I think they’re more about work related tasks. There’s a disconnect there that builds my resentment because I manage work tasks and home responsibilities seemingly 24/7, whereas I feel that when his steps out of the house, that door closes both mentally and physically for him.    4: Discuss the concept of the "mommy tax" or equivalent in your relationship. What sacrifices are currently or will need to be made? - I work remotely from my home. Naturally, it felt like an automatic decision to have our newborn son be at home during that time as well. I almost felt guilty at the thought of him being anywhere else, because it just “made sense” that my being at home allowed flexibility for it and anything else meant that I was neglecting my responsibilities as a mother. In no way has this been easy. I have frequent help in the home during the day to keep him taken care of, but breastfeeding alone eats away at my productivity. When my help is not there, I’m juggling baby and meetings on camera, muting and unmuting between coos and outbursts by my son, and deciding whether my break between those meetings means that should I eat or use the restroom, never both. I’m only 3 weeks in my return to work from maternity leave and I’m already feeling like everything is going at lighting speed and I’m just trying to keep up. Work opportunities have presented themselves and I’m thinking about how I likely won’t be able to participate because I can’t break away from motherhood, in comparison to my husband who’s work life can stay afloat because he can focus and go freely simply because of this social construct.

Angry – seeing more people during this election year being more racist and misogynistic than normal Shame- that the last time we moved houses, I played such a little part in us, moving in, preparing for the move and purchasing the house Guilt – that I no longer have Sunday Scaries the same way Alyssa still does for her job Fear – of the many things that could go wrong as we gear up to sell the house we are in , it affecting our toddler, not getting the offers were hoping for, and that the agent thinks we can get, not being able to pay off loans we want to out of the acquisition Sadness – knowing I’m going to have to say goodbye to the trail that I worked on a lot the past two years in our back yard Loneliness- Feeling sometimes like I’m stuck regulating myself when Alyssa is mad at me Hurt- When Alyssa Asked me to turn to a page in the hymn book, which I am super unfamiliar with as we never go to church and her taking it away from me saying that I’m useless Joy, I am really excited for not feeling like there’s the thumb of debt on our backs as we sell this place and set up to launch for a much better financial future in the next few few years