13d ago (edited) in Confidence Capital Main Chat
1 toxic thing u might be doing in conversations without realizing...
Ever feel like you’re trying everything to sound confident in conversations but somehow end up feeling worse?
Here’s a bold claim:
You’re likely doing something that sabotages every conversation without even realizing it.
It’s so subtle that most people go their entire lives without noticing.
And yet, this one trait keeps us stuck, doubting ourselves, and wondering why we can’t break free.
If you’re reading this, it’s probably affecting you right now.
You’re not alone – I fell into the same trap for years, thinking I just needed to “be more confident” or “try harder” in conversations.
I finally discovered the real reason these quick fixes didn’t work, and I’ll share it with you here – along with how to finally let go of this one toxic trait that’s holding you back.
By the end of this post, you’ll not only understand what’s causing this cycle, but you’ll have one key question to break it for good.
The Misleading Social Advice Trap
Let’s be clear: most social advice you hear – “Be confident!” “Fake it till you make it!” “Use these three conversation starters!” – is like putting a Band-Aid on a broken bone.
These tips aren’t solving the real problem. They might give you a quick boost, but they don’t help long-term.
Now, you might be thinking: “But some of those tips helped me a little… so why stop using them?”
I get it.
Those tips aren’t all bad, and they can work in small doses.
But if they were enough, you wouldn’t still be here looking for answers, right?
Those tips give temporary boosts, but they don’t create the lasting change you need.
I know, because I fell for these quick fixes for years.
Trying to force confidence into every conversation only made me feel worse – beating myself up when it didn’t work.
And it wasn’t my fault – it’s not your fault either.
Self-Judgment Projected onto Others
That toxic trait?
Judging others and, even more importantly, judging yourself.
When you hold judgment toward yourself, it affects everything: your conversations, your confidence, your relationships.
It’s automatic, almost like your mind is a projector casting every past experience, belief, and insecurity onto others.
Think of it like this: It’s like wearing tinted glasses that distort how you see people – you’re not seeing them as they are; you’re seeing them through the lens of your own subconscious judgments.
Now, maybe you’re thinking, “But I don’t judge myself that much…”
And that’s natural – judgment is so subtle that it often hides behind thoughts like “I’m not good enough” or “They’re probably judging me too.”
You might not even notice it, but those thoughts can still be there, quietly affecting the way you feel.
Mirror Neurons in Self-Judgment
But why is it so hard to break this habit?
It’s because of something called mirror neurons – our brain’s social radar.
They’re like the “echo effect” in your mind, reflecting back how you feel about yourself onto others.
If you’re critical of yourself, these neurons can actually make you see others through that same harsh lens.
It creates a cycle where you’re hard on everyone, including yourself, without even trying.
And this is why all those tips you hear don’t work – because they ignore the core issue: the habit of self-judgment.
I know what you might be asking now: “So you’re saying it’s all just in my head?” Not exactly.
It’s more like a habit that’s become so automatic, it feels like it’s part of you.
But the good news? Habits can be changed.
The Impact of Judgment on My Confidence
I know this firsthand. For years, I judged others – not because I wanted to, but because, deep down, I was judging myself even more.
I’d leave conversations feeling tense, anxious, and like I couldn’t really connect.
I thought it was just my fault, that I was socially awkward. But it turns out, it was this cycle of judgment that was blocking me.
Once I saw this cycle for what it was, everything changed.
I could finally see others without that harsh filter, and I began to feel more at ease, less anxious. And that’s when my confidence finally started to feel real.
One Question to Shift Self-Judgment
If you want to start breaking this cycle, try this: ask yourself, “When was the last time I felt genuinely proud of myself?”
Most people can’t remember.
If you’re one of them, that’s a sign that building genuine self-esteem is where your focus should be.
This isn’t about “feeling good” for the sake of it; it’s about learning to treat yourself with kindness and respect.
When you do that, the judgment – both toward yourself and others – starts to fade.
Self-kindness isn’t weak or indulgent; it’s a quiet, respectful strength that makes genuine confidence your natural state.
So, before you try another “confidence hack” or “conversation trick,” check in with yourself: is judgment holding you back?
Because when you let go of this toxic pattern, real confidence isn’t something you need to force. It’s your natural state.
If this resonates, let’s take the next step together.
Comment below if you’ve experienced this, and let’s talk about ways to quiet that judgmental voice for good.
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1 toxic thing u might be doing in conversations without realizing...
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