{SHARE} : Embracing The Lead 👑

A little late posting this but something I think we can all learn from. This isn’t a post to shit on most guys, or to circle jerk about how masculinity is dying in the west blah blah blah. I really wanted to write this to point out how easy it is to quietly lead with power and authority that other people will pick up instantly.

A few weekends ago I was out of town at a wedding, college friends of my LTR were tying to knot. My LTR and I have been on and off for about 3.5 years, and while I’ve heard lots of stories, I’ve never met any of her college friends, but I knew it would be a fun weekend. Keep in mind the men I spent the weekend with attending the wedding weren’t your typical losers. My LTR is a doctor, so most in attendance were doctors, nurses, surgeons and other specialists with fancy titles. A couple dorks don’t get me wrong, but I’d consider the majority in attendance high achievers.

There weren’t many single people, not even sure if I could name one, and being a nerd in my own right on romance, attraction and human behavior I cant help but people watch at these types of events. Maybe it’s an insecurity, maybe it’s because I’m particularly hard on myself so with no surprise I’d be hard on others, but I’m always observing those around me. One of my biggest findings from the weekend was the LACK of men LEADING their relationships and the interactions with their women.

My guess would be that most of these relationships have settled in. Some married, some have kids, and probably natural for most people to get comfortable, but I was a little surprised at the absence of masculine men. Most guys were out of shape, but maybe typical for guys in their late 30s early 40s. The biggest shock for me was the dynamic and framework from these guys and the women they’ve chosen to spend their lives with. There were only a few couples that seems unhealthy making snarky back handed uncomfortable comments with each other, but even the seemingly good relationships seemed to lack any desire.

It was almost like a was at a wedding with a bunch of people who brought their roommates, not their lovers. Each couple kind of autonomously operated as individuals who happened to sit and stand next to each other for the weekend. Contrast to my own behavior, needless to say my LTR and I caught a lot of attention.

I’m kind of an old school guy, and embrace the power of chivalry. My LTR and I would never be confused as “friends”. I believe in things like holding a women’s hand when walking, opening the doors, pulling out her chair, ordering her drink, helping her with her coat etc. but also keeping it modern with m fair share of light spankings, playful kissing and flirty behaviors. It’s something that’s always come natural to me, and the more masculine I’ve become, the more I lean into these types of behavior. There were even a few times over the weekend my girl went to grab the door before me, in which I’d playfully pull her by the back of the hair in order to step in front of her and get the door for the 2 of us. It created a dynamic of pushing my girl deep into my frame, but also demonstrated behaviors that had people giving us a look “who the fuck is that guy” lol.

Through interacting with my LTR in a powerful MASCULINE way, it put a magnifying glass on the other couples at the wedding. In a way it almost exaggerated how pathetic some of these other guys were. Almost like puppy dogs. Great people no doubt, but complete lack of frame. It’s hard to describe, but there was an aura or a glow about me that the other women picked up on and like moths to a flame were naturally drawn to me. It’s like the other girls had a certain distain in their eyes for the men they showed up with, and I was magnifying the lack of characteristics they wished they could experience with me.

Not only did the other women treat me differently, but the men treated me differently too. I’ve never been a guy who’s felt like the top dog in social settings, but this was the first time it seemed like the guys in the room saw me with elevated perceived status. They were displaying approval seeking behaviors that was hard to ignore. All from setting a strong frame with my girl.

On the flip side, this also had POSITIVE effect on my LTR. She was playful the whole weekend, showed tons of PDAs, textbook feminine behaviors. The way the other women at the venue could feel my presence, I know my LTR felt it too, and probably even greater than them since SHE was the girl who got to experience it instead of observing it. I’m sure there was also a bit of hypergamy at work, as well as some social proof for her of “look at the guy I’m with” etc.

Whether you consider yourself traditional or not, I’d really encourage you guys to start exploring more traditional/chivalrous type behaviors. The best part is, this doesn’t take any money or status to pull off, it’s just subtle tweaks to your NON VERBAL behavior that can set a powerful frame. Once you start practicing them, it will be hard to look around and not see the lack of real men leading their girls. At this point I’m hyper aware of guys looking like a women’s gay best friend, or a little puppy dog, and get a little repulsed. The worst part is I don’t even think these guys have a clue how pathetic they look. Probably products of “men and women are equal” and as a result have poisoned their relationships with the Kool-aid.

Would love to hear what you guys think, or even some real life examples of your own experiences on the topic.

Do you guys notice this stuff while you’re out too?

What type of non verbal techniques do you use to hold a strong frame with your girl?

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