{ASK} : How To Build Back Trust?

My LTR and I made things official (again) after breaking up in May. We started talking again at the end of June but started to quickly fall back into bad patterns. There were a lot of issues that came up, but one I’m still really struggling with was another guy she was dating during our break up.

It’s not so much that she was dating again so quickly, as much as not being transparent about the attachment she was starting to develop. We went from wanting to get back together at the end of June and I’m her person, to there’s another guy, to she doesn’t know who to choose, to she needs time to make sure she doesn’t have feelings for this person all in the span on 7 days. It was a lot of lying by omission and keeping what I consider “secrets”. I understand why she did these things, but the trust was broken on my end.

My LTR triggered a lot the trauma/wounds from my ex wife who cheated on me while we were married and played me until she was ready to discard me. I’m extremely sensitive to deception and anything that smells like manipulation. Some times it’s a valuable learned skill, other times I think I have a tendency to overreact and assume the worst.

Currently with my LTR, we’re in a good spot and both working out our shit, but I’m having trouble letting go of what *could* be happening. My LTR has taken ownership of this other guy being a rebound, recognizing she was vulnerable and not making good decisions, has apologized for not being more honest about the situation, but I still have a lot of doubts and insecurities popping up in my head.

We officially got back together this past weekend, and had a conversation about how she broke my trust and it will take time to build it back. I gave her the opportunity to come clean about anything she hadn’t told me, but aside from a few minor details there wasn’t anything ground breaking.

I’m still struggling with wondering if she’s still texting this other guy. Did she end it or leave the door halfway open? Are there other people I don’t know about? Is she really being honest now, or keeping “secrets” until I ask the right questions? I have this strange feeling there’s still something she isn’t telling me but I’m concerned my prior relationships are clouding my judgement.

I’m thinking about asking to look at her phone later this week. I don’t want to go through every message she sent, but basically check out the basics. Who’s in her DMs, has she really stopped texting this guy, is she still on dating apps. Part of me thinks if she’s telling me the truth, that this could help build back the trust. The other part of me thinks I’m being too neurotic and need to work a bit more on surrendering.

What do you guys think? How have some of you worked through building back trust? Whats your take

@Paul Benjamin

, are we in another giving rope scenario?

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