Title is self explanatory. This is pretty useful info to know for vetting women and leading relationships: https://youtu.be/EoGvdQ1rVdM?si=4wiCJJpkRA1sfjOt

This came in as a question in another thread that asked about "pair bonding," and why we feel bonded in our LTR's. There is a lot of fantasy in the main stream world about this. So I am going to to dispel some myths. Our brains ARE NOT naturally wired to reward "pair bonding" for the long term. We are designed to reward pair bonding for a few years, where as we lose desire and eventually mate switch. That is our nature, both men and women, and we execute it in different ways. Keep reading though because I will give you the solution to working around this in order to have exceptionally bonded and happy relationships for decades to come, even though it isn't something we naturally do. Here is the important thing to realize. Our bonding system is designed for us to take care of a girl with our resources and protection within the context of a greater structure (tribe or city state after agriculture) while she is pregnant and while the kid is young. Survival of off spring depended on it BUT only until about age 5. After that the kid can walk and talk and participate in the tribal or city state structure, making the kid survivable within the social structure if parents were to die or mate switch and abandon. So our innate drives are conflicting. We want to fuck multiple women and get them pregnant, and we bond with the ones we FEEL most chemistry with because that chemistry indicates strong genetic offspring potential. And then left to our own devices, we tend to mate switch for different reasons, men and women. If resources of the tribe or your resources in a city state structure were enough to have multiple children with multiple women and feel bonded by desire to those women at least for the first few years, you would. And some of those women would mate switch eventually and have kids with different men and either leave you or cuck you so you end up taking care of another man's kids. There are conflicting theories on this, but this one seems to suss out better than the others when we look at our history, our brain wiring, along with our behavior today. It makes sense from an evolutionary perspective because multiple kids with multiple women (and her with multiple men) meant a higher diversity in genes and a higher number of children surviving, as disease and disability were the main causes of infant death.

"Hey Paul, how can I have a better mindset with dating. I've been out of a decade long relationship for about a year now, and approaching women can be mentally exhausting. I do feel some resentment and bitterness to women in general and I'm trying to break that cycle any suggestions would be helpful. Thanks." So this is a question from awhile ago (lol sorry dude) that I am finally getting too. I think it's a good question for everyone though so posting it. Let's talk about why negative emotion of any sort happens. As in why is this a thing our brain neurologically does at all? Bad emotions are designed to motivate us, or to keep us safe. Pain/fear/discomfort motivates you to take action to get needs met to survive and overtime, do better and thrive. If you take an action to get a need/want met and it fails, the pain can cause you to want to try again and do better. This happens when the brain signals that the goal is attainable. Now let's work backwards. Let's say the brain is getting the message that the goal isn't attainable. Then the failure to get the need met isn't going to cause the brain to want to put more effort into the goal. The brain is going to cause you to rationalize why NOT to try. The brain will send negative emotions at the idea of trying to attain the goal as well. And if there is a potential bad consequence on top of it, the brain will send negative, uncomfortable emotions telling you to avoid or run or fight or do anything you can to avoid the negative consequence. Let's apply that now to dating. You go through a bad relationship for 10 years. And the thing is, it probably didn't seem bad at the start (at least at the time). You at one point got your bonding needs met from the ex; and then that degraded over time to where the consequences of bonding became bad for you. And then eventually the bond was broken, and all the pain and withdrawals from that left some scars and trauma. When that happens, it often leaves a man in a negative bias about women and dating in general because the brain has recieved feedback that you CANNOT get your bonding and sexual needs from a woman without the high price of pain. This puts you in a place of frustration because you have sexual and bonding needs, but getting them means costing you too much. This puts you in a place of depression because you don't feel the effort is going to pay off. And the reason things aren't going to work out is because of women (your brain is telling you but this isn't actually true). So, you are resentful to women. And your brain sends you signals to avoid approaching and dating women through bad emotions when it comes to women in general, and approaching and dating, etc.

Recently I saw a popular Tate IG thing where he’s mocking guys who cook. Jay Waller does this as well. I do agree concerts, festivals, sports are waste of time but what man works 24/7? I get his premise that broke guys have no time to waste in this regard, but if I work hit the gym I’m some loser if I watch a game, take my girl out to dinner or cook a meal cause I enjoy it? Honestly I do know guys who are always “on their grind” but can’t say they are any happier because it’s all they have. How much money, muscles or things is enough? If you drop dead are you happy you had those things vs enjoyable memories or a vacation? When he says your broke we’ll most people don’t have that $ he has and honestly how did he come about it? Rich is subjective. My dad died penniless but his kids always had what we needed. All he wanted was for me to be better and I have been. If I were to die my wife has more than enough to live a good life. What if your purpose is to love and serve God and be a good husband and father? It’s not enough? Get where he’s coming from but never a fan of shaming to try and light a fire under guys

What are your thoughts on sending good pics of yourself to female interests? Creating a bridge until she sees you again OR validation seeking behavior?