Here’s the hard truth: no matter how much you change your behavior, you cannot make someone feel secure. You can bend over backward, anticipate their needs, and try to be exactly who you think they want you to be, but that doesn’t guarantee their sense of security. Why? Because real security—the kind that gives us peace and steadiness—has to come from within. Trying to change yourself to make someone else feel secure is like pouring water into a bucket with a hole in the bottom. You can keep pouring and pouring, but it will never be enough because that hole isn’t yours to fix. It’s theirs. Security doesn’t come from controlling the people or situations around us—it comes from knowing and accepting ourselves. When we try to change who we are to make someone else feel safe, we’re actually disconnecting from our own truth. We’re stepping out of authenticity, and that’s where resentment and exhaustion start to creep in. Plus, when we abandon ourselves in the process, we’re teaching the other person that their security is more important than our own. And that’s not love. That’s fear in disguise. The bottom line is this: you can’t be responsible for someone else’s sense of security. You can show up with kindness, empathy, and understanding, but their inner peace is their work to do, just like yours is your responsibility. True security comes from vulnerability, from trusting ourselves enough to be imperfect, and from letting others be imperfect, too. So, instead of changing yourself to make someone feel secure, focus on showing up fully as you are—flaws and all. Real connection and trust are built from that place of authenticity and self-acceptance. That’s the foundation of authentic, healthy relationships.

The easiest ways I know of in life all involve getting completely behind your authentic self. In our quest for sobriety and personal development, we often stumble upon the idea of self-sabotage—a barrier that can seem insurmountable. Yet, what if the key to overcoming this barrier lies in embracing the authentic self? As the Tao Te Ching reminds us, “When you are content to be simply yourself and don’t compare or compete, everyone will respect you.” This invites us to reflect on the richness of our individuality and the freedom that comes from aligning with our true essence. From a Christian perspective, the Apostle Paul encourages us in Romans 12:2 to “be transformed by the renewing of your mind.” This transformation isn't about forcing ourselves into a mold but about shedding the layers of self-doubt and external expectations that weigh us down. When we reconnect with our authentic selves, we discover that the journey toward sobriety can be infused with grace and joy. In Buddhism, the concept of non-attachment teaches us to let go of the thoughts and habits that no longer serve us. Just as a lotus flower rises above murky waters, we too can transcend the self-sabotage that keeps us stuck. The beauty of this journey is that it invites playfulness and creativity—qualities that make it easier to navigate the challenges of life. After all, as the Buddha said, “The mind is everything. What you think you become.” As we gather here in "Easier Ways," let’s support one another in shedding what doesn’t serve us and celebrating the vibrant, authentic selves we’re becoming. Together, we can discover that the easiest paths are often the ones where we let our true selves shine. Let’s transcend self-sabotage by sharing our journeys, uplifting each other, and having a little fun along the way! BONUS: Why did the monk refuse Novocaine? Because he wanted to transcend dental medication. :-)