i said, "I'll never get into HYPSM, ISEF, top tier publications, or land an internship like they can, make 7 figures, build houses for my parents." so i ask myself, "for what?" the big question, the reason we live. "self-improvement", "to be the best". i cry, because i know in another universe the things i could be, without this thought hovering saying, "you have to push". without worry, needing money, going to work, waking up early to run or swim. i went insane, thinking about each decision i made throughout the day to optimize a future i didn't care. but then i found a desire to explore the world. i took my bike and traveled to places i never knew before. i didn't care if somebody took me, killed me. that was the moment i was freed from all my thoughts, i finally found myself. it wasn't somebody who had to prove something to be the best. i finally spoke, made friends, lived my life, stopped caring. that. is. self. improvement. mom, dad, i will never be the son that can give you guys money for a new house, or the shop you wanted to open. we won't be rich. we won't be able to afford food without worrying about it the next day. ill keep trying