Jun '24 in Theorylations
To be a man is to be responsible for another.
I had a very good ‘ex’. This was the girl who taught me a lot about myself, relationship dynamics, and for the sake of this post, traditional roles in a relationship.
She was born in Iran, whole family habib or habibti’s. Her culture is as traditional and conservative as a man could dream for. Who doesn’t want a traditionally feminine women? Most, but most cannot handle it and underestimate the responsibility that comes with her. Most, but most aren’t traditionally masculine.
I’ve lived in the United States my whole life. Never been outside of the country. The closest dose of traditional values is my full blooded Italian mother and her family. My dad and his dad are the only traditionally masculine men I know, additionally. With traditionally masculine men, they were always working. You’re probably thinking, how does this have to do with my ex? Patience if you want the full value of this passage. We’re getting there.
I think this unintentionally allowed me to NOT fully inherit the masculine traits from them because they were working so much (more of the man and woman polarity traits. ex: pay for dinner, give your shirt to someone in need, always let women (even random women) out of the elevator first). Because with my ex, later in our relationship, she validly pointed out many flaws. One thing I remember her saying was something about how my dad was a gentleman / traditional and I wasn’t. She couldn’t even be mad how my family raised me because they are not like me in the context of mannerisms. And for me to want a traditional women, she pointed out that I had to be traditional man to demand such thing from her (fair point).
I take what she said with a grain of salt because she acted on an overwhelming emotion. My mantra “stay with her intensity to a degree”. But, extrapolating what her motive and intentions were behind her telling me that, she has a point.
Andrew Tate mentioned how if his daughter(s) were to date a man, the man would have to fully take care of that woman. Therefore, Andrew Tate would stop funding his daughters life, and stop taking care of his daughter, because that is now the boyfriend’s responsibility. Tate allocated his responsibility over to the boyfriend of his daughter(s). Causing Tate‘s daughter to choose wisely on who she dates. Tate has a Top 0.01% lifestyle btw. Infinite money, infinite everything. Smart. If we think about wedding ceremonies, that is exactly what is happening. The father is handing over his daughter to the husband, including every responsibility that comes with her (financially, spiritually, etc).
Anyways, my ex was raised in a culture of when a man and a woman date, they date to marry. That’s why she couldn’t date me fully. We were an open relationship. She never talked to any other guys, though; her blueprint or principal was to not date unless the person is someone she could see marrying. I am not someone she could not see marrying. (I don’t take offense to this, as I am the one who broke up with her, if that matters.) Why could she not date me? Because she looked for husband qualities. Does he know how to change tires, can he take care of me financially, can he do taxes, can he provide security in a spiritual way, is he consistent, can I rely on this man with my life..
..can I rely on him in a time of trouble? Hamza said something intelligent in a video he posted recently. He said “my phone is on DND 24/7 because I am not important to anyone. Yours should too, because lets face it, if someone is in trouble and really needs to call a person to help them, it most likely is not going to be you.” But in this relationship with my ex, that was not the case. She put all the responsibility on me weather I asked for it or not. (I take that as a compliment looking back on it) Either because it was the fact put me in that role Tate mentioned or something else idk. I say that because she didn’t go to her father first when she ran into trouble and really needed to call a person, or her mother, or her brother. She went to me. And I failed.
To debate whether it is her fault for relying on me that much and putting that much pressure on me because we weren’t dating is in the air. I am sympathizing with her point of view because I am starting to see that same responsibility a women puts on her man with my current girlfriend; and I am not sure if I am ready to be tested again. My current girlfriend is starting to come to me first with her problems, not her parents. And I am not sure If I can solve all of them like her parents can. I think in all romantic relationships a girl tests a guy to see if he is someone who she can commit to fully. Like in the traditional old days, women only marry men who they can trust with their lives and provide security. She might think, “can he help me with my taxes, can he pick me up in a time of need, can he pay for my rent?” Stability, effortlessness, security. Of course, woman can use tactics to like this manipulate men out of this. Meaning, she could be a gold digger / women who pretends to be romantically invested in you just to get to your money. To those women, I hope they burn in hell. And men can use their financial support, etc to manipulate and coerce a woman to stay with him if she has no money but wants to leave him. To those men, I hope they also burn in hell.
In conclusion, a traditional women put me through tests to see if I could be a pillar of security, etc. I failed. I remember my ex mourning about how she can do all of the things that I can provide and how she doesn’t need a man. I think the translation to that is, “I need you. I need you to be a man. I can provide for myself, but I don’t want to. The stress, the burden, I want it to stop. Please do what I cannot. But you cannot. You are in no position to. I just wish you were the man that I need right now.”
And of course with all of this responsibility begs the question if she matched my blueprint and was worth even putting the effort in. This goes 2 ways. I am aware. I think the overbearing message / theme is that to want a traditional women, you need to be a traditional man. And to be a traditional man (top 1%) you need to be like Batman. Be there in the need of trouble, reliable, financially secure her, emotionally understand her, fix her car, etc. Fuck, that’s a lot of weight. But in a world like this, a man who can do that can have any women head over heels for him. And any man who can’t do that will probably have a divorce, causing his wife to Mary a man who can.
I don’t think I’m ready to be tested on that with my current girlfriend. Perhaps I will fail again. I already feel I am. But, atleast I tried &failed already while you assholes haven’t even started ;)
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To be a man is to be responsible for another.
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