20d ago in General
FEELING STRESSED? Empty your stress bucket
One of the key aims of The Village is to support you to better manage the stress and chaos of life with littles, so you can be the person you want to be and do the things you want to do.
Each week I will introduce you to a different tool to enable you to do this.
We all experience stress, it is a normal part of being a human being. Stress isn't actually inherently bad for us, and sometimes it can be a great motivator. However, too much stress in one go or prolonged stress over a period of time can cause us harm.
The Stress Bucket model (developed by Dr Brabban and Turkington) is a great tool to help you think about what causes you stress, how you can better manage those stressors and what helps you release/reduce stress.
It is also a great visualisation to help you understand why sometimes seemingly insignificant things may tip you over the edge. Why sometimes you feel like a study rock and other times you feel like you could just blow away in the wind.
Below is my interpretation of this model and some guidance on how you can use it in your chaos.
Imagine you have a bucket...
- above it are clouds that rain into it and fill it up (things that cause you stress - can be positive or negative)...
...to stop the bucket from overflowing (leading to overwhelm and unwanted behaviours e.g. snapping at partner/withdrawing from friends/losing it with kids/engaging in non-healthful activities ***insert here your particular brand of crazy***), we can...
- cover it with an umbrella to slow down the rain (stress management techniques/coping strategies - this is my addition to this model)
- fit some taps to drain the rain water (stress reducing techniques/coping strategies)
We all have different sized buckets: the bigger the bucket, the less vulnerable you are to stress. The smaller the bucket, the more vulnerable you are to stress. When you become a mum, the size of your bucket may change.
We will also have a different number of clouds, different sized umbrellas, different number of holes etc and the water obviously fills up over time so some days we may start with a more full bucket and others we will start with plenty of room to fill (with snot, vomit and continuous noise!).
The key to managing stress well and sustainably is to ensure you have both:
- a large sturdy umbrella (easy, personalised stress management techniques)
- plenty of taps (enjoyable, meaningful stress reducing tools)
We also need to be careful that the things we are doing to manage our stressors or relieve our stress aren't cheeky clouds in disguise... This is tricky as different tools will be both clouds and umbrellas/taps depending on the circumstances (e.g. when I am having a tricky time and my bucket overflowing leads to me withdrawing, then going out with friends for a wine is the absolute tonic. However, when my bucket overflowing leads to me not being very kind to myself in the form of partaking in too many wines of an eve and generally feeling like a slightly hungover swollen mess then maybe a walk and a coffee would be a better tap).
Take some time this evening/this weekend to identify your clouds and explore what your umbrella and taps look like. The aim of this is to learn to put up your umbrella before the rain starts and to keep your taps open as much as possible. It is also a really good way to talk about what's going on for you with a partner/family members/friends etc. as it creates a shared vocabulary and understanding that can feel a little safer and less triggering than 'I can't cope'. My husband and I have a variety of ways of talking about stress, 'my bucket is getting full' is one of them.
Share your experience with the Stress Bucket tool below .
If you need a bit of support exploring your clouds or making sure you are regularly putting up your umbrella and opening your taps, book your FREE 30 minute Wellness Consultation now. My coaching is better than my drawing skills... promise!
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FEELING STRESSED? Empty your stress bucket
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