Struggling to approach
I have approached at least 85 women this year. Stopped doing it in June as 1) I felt it was a really ineffective way to meet people, especially women, and 2) my dad told me I'm just wasting my time trying to meet women this way. I haven't gotten any negative reactions from approaching, at best the women have seemed really indifferent and don't really care. In theory, it seems to me that although my extroverted nature would help in approaching, so far in practice, the Singaporean culture appears to be too introverted when meeting people in this context. I feel as though I'm fighting a uphill battle in this area.
That being said, I have made time to meet people in interest groups and even got on an app where I meet 5 random people for dinner every Wednesday as part of my social life.
Nonetheless, I can't just leave it to interest groups and dinners to meet new people. I'm feeling very conflicted over cold approaching. What am I supposed to do if see a beautiful woman when I'm out and about? I find her pretty, so why not approach her?
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25 comments
• Sep '24
We view cold approach differently here in MOA. A lot of guys go in with what we call "intent based" cold approach. Especially from back in the pickup days. Now we do "offer based" cold approach. Essentially having high status events and activities to invite girls that you meet out and about.
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• Sep '24
^ This makes a HUGE difference...
I would avoid the app based dinners as that is going to bring you other socially awkward and unconnected people...
Find a cool high value events or just host a simple container event (sushi is easy). Then when you approach girls you are just approaching to offer an invite to a social gathering (everyone pays for themselves it's not a date).
You aren't awkwardly hanging around waiting for them to walk away you display some value, make your invite, and walk away after giving them your IG.
When your IG shows more value and shows girls having a fun time at your past sushi events and it's a wrap... or a roll, whichever you prefer... 🚬😎
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• Sep '24 (edited)
Sure. I'll start going in with more of that intention instead. I'll add more to my IG and see where I go from there.
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View 2 more replies
• Sep '24
The harsh reality is if you can offer a pretty woman what she want's you're just 1 in a million guys that vying for her attention. You can let her know she's pretty but don't push things further it's shows desperation. Just complement and say have a nice day, you can build on this later
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• Sep '24
Here is my recommendation. Approach 1 woman a day. Don't do it to meet women, do it as a habit and just being social to women in general. If you're extroverted in nature, then I'm assuming you don't have problems talking, but they are just not responding they way you want them to.
Try to get some kind of compliance, not just trying to get their contacts. For example: hey, let's go sit down over there, my legs are sore. OR hey, come here stand over here, the sun is getting in my eyes... anyways.. I was gonna tell you about...
If you're doing day game, you got to insta-date them. Get coffee, or bubble tea etc. This is on the same day of your approach, not second meetup. If you can get a 30min coffee with her and she is cool with you. Then second meetup is a higher probability.
BTW. what is this app with 5 random people for dinner?
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• Sep '24
Nothing stopping you except yourself. You have taken action now it is time to make smarter approaches and bring back to your funnel .
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• Sep '24
"my dad told me I'm just wasting my time trying to meet women this way"
Does your dad have the lifestyle you want to live? If not his advice is meaningless. You can't get rich by taking poor people advice and you can't get women by taking normies advice.
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• Sep '24
No he doesn't. He met my mum without having to cold approach her. Social media didn't exist back then. He didn't have to try to approach before he got results since he is more naturally sociable than me. He already had a group of friends before he met my mum. Personally I think I cannot approach dating the same way he did. It was a different landscape and a different time.
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• Sep '24
It may be worthwhile to reassess the approach. If you are receiving apathetic responses, it might be due to the initial interactions being uninteresting or not connecting with the cultural background. Perhaps consider prioritizing sincere, substantial dialogues over simple greetings. Establishing a bond based on common interests or shared activities is typically more successful than impersonal interactions.
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• Sep '24
Approaching people you don't know is always going to be a part of the game. However, the difference with social circle and traditional pick up is we create the setup. PUAs meet girls on the street and at the mall. We meet them at a high status event, in a VIP area where we have friends, access, preselection working for us. Unless you're Tom Cruise, you're always going to have to cold approach. But create the set up first.
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• Sep '24 (edited)
Ok. Sounds like I'm headed in the right direction. I have started going to places (local cafes, restaurants) as a regular customer to build status. Been doing this for about almost 2 months, will see where it goes for me. Working on my IG on the side as well.
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• Sep '24
What’s the best way to find high status events in your city? Who should you be networking with to increase the odds of that?
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• Sep '24
Good question, but trying to do this now would be a suicide mission since I'm practically a nobody where I live. I would probably create my own setup first. I guess I could get ideas from somewhere, figuring that out now.
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• Sep '24 (edited)
Mystery has a good program on the mechanics of the cold approach. You can use his list of canned banter material. They are meant to be conversational and witty, and not sexual.
Todd V has a good framework as well. It is based on Mystery's framework.
Owen Cook has a program on communicating without coming off like a cuck.
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• Sep '24
You need to build your IG to seem more interesting. Girls will start DMing you out of the blue.
You should also join improv classes. It’ll help you become more interesting so that when you do approach you have a better chance of it going somewhere.
You need to ask yourself… deep down are you a fun guy? Are you living the lifestyle of a fun guy? Girls just want to have fun
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• Sep '24
I'm finding time to join dance classes, spin classes etc to meet more people who like doing physical activity like myself. Not doing it purely just to meet women though.
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• Sep '24
I forgot about dance classes! Very good idea!
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• Sep '24
I'm going to say this presumptuously...
Are you approaching all women that you find attractive or just the ones that show you interest...
Let me define the term 'interest'
She either smiles at you, looks into your eyes or glances at you.
In my opinion, when that do that have a higher chance of being interested in you or your energy.
To get this type of interest, you need to make sure you grooming properly to allow you to stand out.
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• Sep '24
Generally I approach the ones I find attractive. I don't know if a glance could even mean she's interested in me though. I honestly feel like I look like any other guy when I'm out and about.
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• Sep '24
At least you can approach I can’t so good job
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• Sep '24
Just do it man. The first few are always the hardest, but women are just mere mortals, just like you and me. So what if you screw up the first few times?
I would fix your IG as you're approaching so the pieces will fall into place quicker.
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Chat with the people for the sake of chatting with people. Get use to it, and remember the 80/20 rule, You have to get them to talk about them selves 80% of the time. Ask questions that show you're listening and watch the flood gates open.
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• Sep '24
I agree. The problem is when a man has a goal in mind whether he realizes it or not, it shows very plainly to a woman unless it comes effortlessly. This comes in time with being outcome independent regardless of the approach.
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Darren Chee
5
Struggling to approach
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