Writing about myself has always been a challenge, often triggering panic and anxiety, especially when it comes to sharing my deepest thoughts and struggles. Ironically, I have a strong desire to be a recognized artist or to thrive in a creative field, yet I sense something is blocking me. I fear that achieving this success could expose me to criticism, judgment, or abandonment. Financial stability and independence have been ongoing challenges tied to childhood traumas that I am actively healing. Additionally, relationship traumas make it difficult for me to form close connections, leading to isolation—especially living in a country where I don’t speak the language. Despite these struggles, I want to embrace every part of myself without shame, which is why I'm sharing this. Last month, I experienced a transformative shift after completing a long water fast. I felt confident, saw my worth clearly, and even wanted to connect with others. However, this change was fleeting; I quickly regained the weight I had lost and felt a block in my energy. My relationship with food has been a battle, deeply tied to a fear of being seen—a survival mechanism that reflects my approach to relationships. During my water fast, I discovered a power within myself and transformed mentally and emotionally, feeling like I was in a new reality. Now, however, I’ve lost faith in myself and am seeking medical advice for possible hormonal imbalances. Despite changes to my diet, including organic foods and increased hydration, I find fasting more challenging due to my struggles with hunger.