Sep 2 (edited) in Words of Wisdom
Suicide as a Sort of Present by David Foster Wallace.
We often look up to certain individuals—whether they be parents, friends, or mentors—as paragons of virtue, success, or wisdom. We idealise them, hoping that by following their example, we can achieve similar heights. But the harsh truth is, your role model will always let you down. This isn’t because they’re bad people, but because of the unrealistic expectations we place on them and the flawed nature of perfection itself.
A story that captures the essence of this disappointment is Suicide as a Sort of Present. It tells the story of a mother consumed by self-loathing because she believes she has failed in life. When she has a son, she pins her hopes for redemption on him. She wants him to succeed where she feels she has not. Yet, when he doesn’t meet her expectations, she struggles with feelings of hatred but still offers him unconditional love, even as his behaviour becomes increasingly disturbing. The tragic climax occurs when the son takes his own life, a devastating outcome for a mother who strove for perfection in her role.
The most obvious interpretation of this story is one of maternal failure. However, I believe the story isn’t just about the mother’s self-loathing due to her perceived imperfections, but rather her self-loathing because she strived to be perfect. Her drive to be the perfect mother—to show love and ignore her son’s alarming behaviour—is what contributes to the tragedy.
This brings to mind a conversation I had recently with a dear friend. We were reflecting on how, as children, we often believed that adults had everything figured out. We saw them as perfect, infallible beings who knew exactly what to do in every situation. But as we grew up, we realised that adults are just as flawed and uncertain as we are. No one is truly perfect; everyone is still figuring things out as they go along.
The shocking realisation at the end of the story—that the son has committed suicide—implies that perfection, as an ideal, is unattainable and unhealthy. It’s not something we should aspire to because, in doing so, we set ourselves up for failure and disappointment.
Instead, I think we should aim for excellence. Excellence is achievable because it allows room for growth, mistakes, and learning. It acknowledges the fact that we are all works in progress.
It can take a long time to understand that neither you nor anyone else will ever be perfect. Like the mother in the story, striving to be perfect in everything leads to feelings of inadequacy and discontent. Perfection becomes a burden, an unattainable goal that makes you feel like you’re never good enough. You can’t balance it all and be perfect, but you can prioritise and strive for excellence.
You will never be the perfect friend, partner, employee, or student, and that’s okay! Aim to be an excellent one. By striving for excellence, you will find yourself surrounded by people who appreciate you for your flaws and all. They won’t expect you to be perfect; but value you for your efforts.
In return, you will strive to be an excellent person in their lives, someone they can rely on, even though not without any imperfections. But then again, who is?
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Suicide as a Sort of Present by David Foster Wallace.
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