Oct 18 in Words of Wisdom
Living Through Loss: A Personal Reflection on Grief and Growth
“The weird, weird thing about devastating loss is that life actually goes on. When you're faced with a tragedy, a loss so huge that you have no idea how you can live through it, somehow, the world keeps turning, the seconds keep ticking.”
- James Patterson, Angel
Since my father passed away in 2021, along with the weight of the responsibilities that followed, I’ve often been asked questions like, "How did you manage it? I couldn't have done what you did, bro."
I usually offer a generic response—something like, "It is what it is" or "Life doesn’t stop; you just have to carry on." But if I’m being honest, the real answer is that I truly don’t know. My mother, bless her soul, is incredibly sensitive, and as an only child, it was undeniably difficult. But I hadn’t fully reflected on any of this until Owen, the founder of this emerging community—my dear friend and someone I consider a brother—asked me to write about my experience.
At first, I didn’t know what to write. I wasn’t sure I had achieved anything worth mentioning. When I told Owen this, he laughed and replied, "Bro, are you joking?" And that’s the thing—when you’re in the thick of it, with tunnel vision, you rarely get the chance to step back and see the bigger picture until much later. That’s the beauty (or the harsh reality) of hindsight.
Looking back now at my first year of university, I sometimes think, "Wow, I lost my best friend, my mentor, my anchor—my absolute rock." And yet, now it almost feels like nothing has changed. But of course, that’s not true. I carry that loss with me every day, and it shapes every facet of my life. It has influenced my relationships, my friendships, my entrepreneurial ventures, and even my academic path.
Since then, I’ve graduated with First-class honours in Law, completed my LLM (and, Inshallah, hoping for distinction—pray for me, it’s pending), started my doctoral applications, am imminently launching a website and brand, been elected as the London Representative of the Muslim Student Council, and co-founded a business that has served Premier League footballers and one of the biggest influencers of recent times.
I promise this isn’t about bragging. It’s actually the first time I’ve taken stock of it all, and even now, it amazes me. That’s the point—we beat ourselves up over our mistakes, so much so that we lose sight of our journey and how far we have come.
I’m not pretending I wasn’t privileged—far from it. I thank God every day for the father and family I’ve been blessed with and for the opportunities that have come my way. Life is unpredictable, but it truly is what you make of it. If you had told me, back in my sixth form days, when I was academically average, severely overweight, and struggling with self-doubt, that I would end up here, I wouldn’t have believed it.
Of course, everyone deals with grief and hardship in their own way. This is not a manual on grieving; there’s no one-size-fits-all approach. I’ve had my dark moments, times when I felt utterly lost, and some of those feelings still linger. But if there’s one thing I’ve learnt, it’s the importance of stepping back. Look at how far you’ve come. Believe in yourself. Bet on yourself to be the best version of yourself. Find solace and strength in something that grounds you.
For me, that has been my faith and the desire to make my father proud. I want him to look down without worry, knowing that I’m taking care of Mama and continuing to strive, just as he would have wanted. Have I made mistakes? Of course. We all do. It’s part of the process. But we have to keep pushing forward.
So, my advice? Step out of your box. Be kind to yourself. Draw inspiration from those closest to you. You’re stronger than you realise. I’ve lived it. I’ve seen it. And many before and after me will as well. Never count yourself out—there’s no one waiting for you but you.
Love and blessings,
Bilal.
“God does not test a soul with more than it can handle. For it is what it has earned and against it is what it has earned. Our Lord, do not hold us accountable when we forget or make mistakes. Our Lord, do not place on us such burdens like how you placed those before us. Our Lord, do not make us bear that which is beyond our abilities. Overlook us, Forgive us, and have mercy on us. You are our Lord, so assist us...” (The Quran, Surah Al-Baqarah 2:185)
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Living Through Loss: A Personal Reflection on Grief and Growth
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