The magic and difficulty of the word, "No". [Part 1]

“People think focus means saying yes to the thing you've got to focus on. But that's not what it means at all... Innovation is saying no to 1,000 things.” ~Steve Jobs

Somehow, those humble two little letters are some of the most difficult, and simultaneously the most freeing, letters ever combined into an English word.

No.

It defines a boundary.

This post is the first of a series. To start, we'll be talking about the boundary of spaces.

For years, I struggled with boundaries. I love to create, to build things, imagine new tools, but I found myself saying yes to every project, every request, and every distraction that came my way. My workspace was a chaotic blend of personal and professional life, with no clear divisions. projects blurred together and layered on top of each other.

Spacial boundaries was a nearly non-existent concept when I was a kid growing up. Everything was everywhere. And I did not really have much of a space to my own. Schoolwork and random projects all happened in shared spaces, and a good portion of the work was simply finding and gathering everything needed for each project so that you could begin.

My main conflict wasn't a lack of skill or ambition—it was my lack of setting boundaries. This manifested in two critical areas:

1. Spatial Boundaries: Growing up, I never had a dedicated space for my projects. Everything happened in shared, very disorganized spaces, and half the battle was just finding and gathering materials to begin work. Even after moving out on my own, I struggled to create distinct areas for different aspects of my life.

2. Time Boundaries: Without clear work hours, I found myself constantly "on," researching problems at midnight and pounding away at a keyboard during what should have been family time.

There are some times where having a dedicated space all to your own for each project simply is not an option. There are, however, still things you can do to carve out your own space, even when you share a workspace or a living-space with others.

There are two primary ways I think of spatial boundaries.

The first is internal:

To be fully present in our space, our environment, and our work, we do not want our minds to be "somewhere else".

Create transition rituals. Develop routines that signal the start and end of your work time. This could be as simple as putting on noise-cancelling headphones when you begin work, or taking a short walk around the block to "clock out" at the end of the day. These rituals reinforce your spatial boundaries, and help keep your mind present with a task at hand.

The second is external:

This is about making it clear to others that this space is your designated space.

Communicate clearly so that your family, friends, and coworkers know that when you're in your space, you are in "the zone" and not to be interrupted unless it's very important. Even If you don't have a separate room, the same visuals to help you can also be helpful for others.

Practical Tips for Mastering "No":

1. Start Small: Begin with one area of your life where you need better boundaries. Ask a close friend or mentor their perspective if you're having trouble (or even if you're not 🙂).

2. Communicate Clearly: Let others know about your new boundaries. No need to feel bad about it. Clear boundaries are what allow you to give your best; at work, but also with your friends, family and co-workers. It's necessary for your wellbeing and productivity.

3. Use Visual Cues: Whether it's a closed door, a specific hat you wear during work hours, or a hand-drawn cartoon warning others to beware-of-imaginary-friend, make your boundaries visible to others.

4. Celebrate Small Wins: Saying "No" can be uncomfortable at first. Be patient with yourself as you develop this new skill. Each time you successfully maintain a boundary, acknowledge it. It's progress in the direction.

Remember, mastering the art of "No" isn't about shutting people out—it's about creating the space and focus you need to bring your best self to your work and relationships.

Up next is boundaries in the digital world. Stay tuned! 📻

5 comments