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Book Recommendation: "The Whole Brain Child" by Daniel Siegel & Tina Bryson
This is my go-to book recommendation when I first start working with parents. It takes all the mystery out of those confusing baby and toddler behaviours. It combines neuroscience and parenting into a practical guide on how a child's brain is developing. Once you understand how their brain works, you understand how they think. When you understand how the think, you understand how they act. Have you read it? Let me know your thoughts below. https://drdansiegel.com/book/the-whole-brain-child/
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Jordan Pickard
Nick McCashin
Robert Malone
New comment Feb '24
Gday!
Hey everyone! It’s a pleasure to be here. I look forward to connecting with you all about the brilliant part of life that is raising kids
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Robert Malone
New comment Feb '24
Is my child manipulating me?
This is a common concerns for parents of children around 3-6 year old. They cry, or whine, but you can tell it is different from their normal cry. So what's really going on? Are they really manipulating you? Should you let them to do it? Or could there be some other explanation of their behaviour? I coached a couple on this very issue last year. They had a 1.5 year old son, and a 5 year old daughter. The daughter would be playing quietly by herself, and the parents with the son. But once the daughter noticed the parents playing with her brother, she would begin to cry. The father felt she was being manipulative. He would begrudgingly relent and give her attention, but felt conflicted about if he was enabling some kind of negative behaviour. If we take the definition of manipulation as "getting someone do something without them realising why", then yes, you could call this kind of behaviour manipulation. But it is unintentional manipulation. The little girl sees her brother getting attention. She feels left out. She wants to be included - the underlying need. What tools do she have available to her to meet this need? Well, based on her age and brain development, not much. If you read the book recommendation I left in an earlier post (The Whole Brain Child), you'll know that children under 6 years old find it very difficult to regulate their emotions, and often need a regulated adult to synch up with them before their rational brain comes back on-line. So in this moment of feeling left out, the girl is reacting emotionally. She reverts to a tried and tested way of getting attention from her parents - one that has been reinforced through years of habit. She cries. It's totally normal. If the father was to respond by saying "well I'm not going to let her manipulate me into giving her attention" he does two things. Firstly, he fails to meet her need. And secondly, he doesn't give her an alternative method of meeting this need. Instead, I offered this explanation..
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Mark
Hey thanks for this community 🙂
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Robert Malone
New comment Feb '24
Are you responding or REACTING?
Children test limits and push boundaries. Their natural curiosity and desire to learn makes that inevitable. Part of what makes being a parent (mother or father), so challenging, is this very fact! But I want you to try and look at it from a different perspective. What triggers us isn't the behaviour. What triggers us is what we make that behaviour mean. When they don't listen to us... ↪️ "they are being disrespectful" ↪️ "they SHOULD listen to me" When they don't want to share... ↪️ "they are being selfish" ↪️ "I SHOULD make them share" When they cry after not getting what they want... ↪️ "they are overreacting" ↪️ "they are MANIPULATING me" These internal conversations we have with ourselves inevitably lead to one place....us REACTING! But what if you could catch the inner dialogue before reacting? If you were able to distance what you are making the behaviour mean from what is ACTUALLY happening? Would you still REACT, or could you respond differently? Let me know your thought below.
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How Do You Want Your Grandchildren To Be Raised?
I've worked with many parents over the past 4 years. I have seen a variety of parenting styles and philosophies. These have ranged from very laissez-faire to quite authoritarian. I've learnt that often how parents raise their children is a product of how they were raised. Obvious, no? But there is more... How our parents were raised was a product of how their parents raised them. ➡️ Our grandparents set the scene for how our parents raised us. I started to think about how I would raise my own child when my wife became pregnant. I didn't want to 100% replicate how my parents raised me, but I also didn't want to throw everything out. I chose to keep the things I resonated with, and discard the rest. In addition to that, I thought, "I will raise my children in such a way that they raise their children with love, praise, and acceptance." Now this doesn't mean that I am immune to certain patterns of how I was raised. I still see myself replicating aspects of that unconsciously. To me they are "normal" . 👣 Walking barefoot in the garden. 💤 Sleeping in a cool bedroom. 🧊 Wearing a jumper indoors rather than turning on the heating, etc. These can cause little arguments between my wife and me. She was raised differently and has her own definition of "normal". But even in these moments there is a benefit of having a personal parenting philosophy. One that you have both agreed upon. Despite small differences, we can come back to the bigger picture. ➡️ How we raise our children sets the scene for how our grandchildren will be raised. ↪️ We want our grandchildren to be raised with love, praise, and acceptance. Have you thought about your personal parenting philosophy? Give it a go in the comments. I guarantee it will guide you in your most challenging moments as a father.
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How Do You Want Your Grandchildren To Be Raised?
Introduction
Welcome to Fatherhood! My name is Robert and I'm a first time father of a now 10 month old boy. I created this group to support fathers in their journey into fatherhood. There are an abundance of motherhood groups for first time moms, but they don't necessarily deal with the challenges of becoming a father. My intention is for you to have a space where you can meet other fathers, ask questions, share frustrations and challenges, and contribute to one another. I have a background is personal coaching and early childhood education and I share books, podcasts, host AMAs and live events on the topics that are important when it comes to fatherhood and becoming the kind of father you can be proud of. Introduce yourself and share a picture of you and your child / children.
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Introduction
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Fatherhood
skool.com/growing-together-5773
For fathers of children from 0-6 years old to support them in their journey into fatherhood.
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