this stuff really works · Don't Waste Your Precious Life

this stuff really works

about a week ago ive hoped with trinley on the coaching group call

we explored the mechanisms of my motivation

we reached to a point where i theoretically dropped my desires of getting a degree, i instantly felt a tremendous relief , but it was too hard for me to fully let go ,

the call ended , and i continued to chew on the idea.

the truth is , i wasnt ready to fully accept that maybe ive picked the wrong major and ive been fighting myself for nothing all this time, fighting up stream.

i had a mini breakdown two days ago (which i promptly shared here lol) and i was genuinely feeling awful, thoughts began racing in my head and a sort of an inner civil war i cant really describe in words.

this went on for a while until i went on an hour walk to clear my head (my body was so tense and agitated i couldnt stand still)

then when i returned , it finally hit me.

i opened the computer and i somehow had the idea to just check out the different majors i can take,

i ended up on cognitive science

and as i read the courses, in an instant, a flashing jolt, i realized that this was the major for me and i felt a giant elephant just getting off my chest

i felt the greatest sense of relief and euphoria and ease ive felt in years

like i can finally breathe again, like i can finally end the civil war

i cannot emphasis this enough, but there may be parts you keep in the closet that are aching to come out, when i acknowledged this part , i felt focused, committed , motivated and clear headed and most importantly, i felt at peace.

ironically when that happened, i actually did the thing i was procrastinating on doing for a couple of days lol. i felt a sense of alignment i havent felt in a long time

i may or may not switch my majors, but it doesnt matter at this point, what matters is that ive acknowledged this desire within me and i can take it into account, even if i end up dropping out all together or even going for like an art degree or whatever atleast all the hands are now on deck.

lets see if this is merely a farce or something permant

but for now, thank you trinely. youve helped me alot

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