The Difference Between Defensive and Courageous Communication

The latin root of the word "Courage" is "Cor" which means "heart". Courageous communication isn't being loud, or having the most information with which to win an argument. It's speaking from the heart with all that entails - be it passion, sadness, anger, or hope. It's also vulnerable - it exposes you, insecurities and all, to whoever is listening.

Vulnerability is scary, and we often compensate for that scariness by unconsciously defending ourselves. 3 of the most common ways are:

Disclaimers
Over-explaining
Using indirect, passive language

For example here are common disclaimers:

This might be wrong, but...
I’m no expert, but...
this might sound stupid, but...
Just my opinion
I think
does that make sense?
I don’t know, but...

Do you notice yourself saying any of these often, especially when in an uncomfortable conversation?

When we say these things, it's a form of defense. It means we're feeling in some way insecure about what we say. There's nothing wrong with feeling insecure, but compensating for insecurities in our speech won't move people. It won't influence them.

But conversely, we also don't want to come across as inauthentic, or pretend to be more confident than we actually are. So what's the solution?

In this video from the most recent Courageous Conversation we explore 3 different types of communication. You'll see each of these modeled, and learn how to own insecurities and use them to bolster communication, rather than hide them.

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