How 14-15 year old me was fueled to lock in.

Benji Li

Sep 24 in General discussion

2 years of consistent straight cold showers.

Talk to strangers. (Still do)

Never missed a day of gym in routine. (still don't really)

5am consistent for months to work, waking up before school.

Bulked from 55kg to 70 ish kg.

Locking in to that from being a anime watching, jerk off, wake up play games till the evening in greasy ass sweat.

How?

Well. From having multiple phases recently, multiple motivations, multiple stages. Of being nice, become really grateful and that was all nice and really good to have in social situations, being this present, grounded and playful person.

Reading books like Way of the superior man and getting a "higher" view or taking the "higher" path.

Reading books like How to win friends and influence people, with principles like never condemn or complain or judge.

But after a while, from not supplementing my mind with those books and having that philosophy slowly be replaced by my old identity, I felt it again.

That same hatred/ anger feeling from depicting situations in a negative way. (e.g girl from my class doesn't look at me walking by outside of lesson when it's obvious, I've started to think "oh she doesn't like me" again instead of "oh she probably is day dreaming")

Admittedly I feel that I've kind of let this happen again to see the anger, because being really grateful and so on and so forth kinda made me a lil less "locked in" if you will. I just became lil more contempt and happy. (I'm sure theres a way to be grateful AND disciplined)

But if you look at any mfer that is disciplined online they always got something to say about their haters, or some statement like "fuck them" or generally just have a vibe of being hard hearted.

And so that leads me to believe from experience and seeing these disciplined people with the same vibe to think that negative mental health, or fully taking situations as disrespect (e.g bro not dapping you up, girl not looking or smiling at you) instead of the positive and healthy way which is (bro didn't dap me up cuz he shy) will and has always given me fuel/discipline/anger.

That I predict was how I was so disciplined.

Anger.

Hatred.

And to sum it all up, even body-builders say you need to be alittle fucked up in the head to be great.

To get that heartbreak, that girl cheating on you.

TO FEEL DISRESPECT.

AND TO CHANNEL IT INTO BUILDING A KINGDOM.

All the best,

Benji

0 comments