No Contact Sleeping Around · Apex Inner Game

No Contact Sleeping Around

Hello everyone.

I appreciate any advice you can offer, and I look forward to contributing to the community in the future as I’m a new member.

I have a question about intimacy during a no-contact period:

I met my girlfriend when I was in my final year of university. We were both 23 and each other's first partners. The first five months were spent getting to know each other, and then I confessed my feelings for her, and we started dating officially.

Months 6, 7, and 8 were spent being intimate with clothes on, and months 9 through 12 we began being intimate without clothes, though we didn’t engage in full penetration because we planned to get married later on.

After a year of being together, I graduated and had to return to my home country, which forced us into a long-distance relationship for around eight months. Eventually, I decided to break up with her due to ongoing drama. It was a bad decision because I truly loved her, but I wanted to focus on myself. During our relationship, she frequently brought up marriage, but I kept refusing because I wasn’t financially stable. After the breakup, I realized I had been conditioned to believe money is the only key to a happy family, even though she had always reassured me that money didn’t matter to her—she just wanted to be with me.

The way I broke up with her was terrible. She had just arrived in Italy for a three-month internship, and the very day she got there, I ended things, leaving her completely alone with no friends or family nearby.

After 70 days, we reconnected when she sent me a message to check on me. During our no-contact period, I didn’t sleep with anyone else, as that goes against my values. When I asked her, she initially said she hadn’t done anything either, so I decided to try and win her back because I still loved her and deeply regretted leaving her. I could see myself growing old with her.

I spent 30 days trying to rekindle our relationship, and eventually, she accepted. We told our families about each other and agreed to start dating again.

However, when I asked her once more if she had done anything during our time apart, I emphasized that honesty was crucial for the survival of our relationship. She admitted that she had lied earlier. She told me she met a man during her time in Italy, got drunk, went to his house, and had intimate contact with him—first with clothes on, and then they had sex without clothes. (No penetration)

She said she did it to stop being so emotionally attached to me and didn’t want me to be the only person who had touched her intimately.

Now, I’m struggling. I still love her and want to grow old with her, but I feel disgusted and can't seem to accept what happened. I know it’s natural to feel this way, but it’s hard to shake the feeling that our relationship has lost its purity. I broke up with her, so I understand she was free to do what she wanted, but I can’t find forgiveness in my heart, even though I want to.

At the moment, I’m broke and unemployed, yet she still wants to marry me. Her family is worried about her moving to my country and whether I can provide financial stability. That’s part of why I want to forgive and move forward.

But how do I accept that another man has been with her? The thought of touching her again brings up feelings of disgust, even though I know I love her deeply.

My main concern is whether I can get past this and stop feeling resentment towards her body because of what happened.

Any advice or thoughts on how to move forward?

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