This is the part I have the most difficulty with, I end up thinking a lot and getting nervous because I don't know how to speak.This is the part where I have the most difficulty, I end up thinking a lot and getting nervous because I don't know how to speak, and I have no ideas on how to start a conversation.

I have really struggled with this a lot. For years, I never got to have a real true friend or group of friends. It just recently hit me that I have been in this situation for so long and I didn't even realise it. All of them love to talk behind my back. The conversations has nothing to benefit from. It feels as if I'm in a group of narcissistic people. It's bad but I am willing to change it permanently for the better. I wanna change this and be better, have ACTUAL friends. I am not a perfect person but I don't deserve this kind of people in my life, I sharing this so that I could get some advice or a real solution out of this. I hope others who go through this get better and lead a better life.