I’m grateful for my wife’s emotional labour with: 1. Setting up a play date at our house for our son because she knew he was feeling left out not being invited to another friend’s sleepover, 2. Talking with me about how she would need to be away from the house for a good chunk of the play date because she knew the chaos would be too much overstimulation for her. 3. Chatting with my son about including his little sister an hour before his play date because she knew otherwise our daughter would be left out and upset. 4. Feeling guilt that our daughter always gets her older brother’s hand-me-down winter gear and working out what new items to buy her to preserve her sense of identity.

I’m grateful to my wife for the emotional labour of: 1. Sitting and soothing my son while he had his ears pierced and staying calm even though she herself was feeling freaked out. 2. Planning a dinner with her parents even though that relationship is stressful for her, because she knows it is good for the kids to have that connection with their grandparents 3. Interrupting her work time to calm our daughter even though I was responsible for keeping the kids regulated and quiet; because she knew that our daughter really needed her. 4. Chatting with my son preparing him for how to deal with bullies that might hassle him at school about his new earrings because she picked up on some insecurities and his need for reassurance.

Wondering if anyone has ideas for maintaining consistency not just in the "normal" times but also when things get a little chaotic. It could be somebody getting sick, something blows up at work, or just a change in routine like having a house-guest staying with us. As soon as things shift like that, my wife slips back into the "manager/thinker" and I slip back into the "employee/do-er". Any thoughts?

I'm grateful that my wife: 1. maintained a text chain for the past 2 weeks with parents of kids who came to our house last night for a Halloween party, fielding questions and concerns. 2. packed me a backpack to take trick or treating with the kids that had warmer jackets and water, because she anticipated that they would need it part-way through the night. 3. re-organised our schedule this morning to bring the kids to school a half hour late because she knew they would need a little extra time getting up and ready after the chaos of last night 4. chatted to our daughter this morning about getting her ears pierced tomorrow, because she knows that processing it today will ease her anxiety about the event tomorrow.

My name is Zach, married 9 years, together almost 11, living in Central MA, with one 3 year old. This work and coaching is what I do full time. What I hope to gain from this community is building a safe space for guys that want to learn to ask questions and improve their understanding of the mental load which many women have trusted in me to teach to the men in their lives